These gifts are banned…from giving and receiving. 

It’s easy to pick up any magazine or watch any show featuring top gift picks. I’m gonna go a different way. Here’s what NOT TO BUY FOR THOSE ON YOUR LIST .

For your kids:

1.The Doggie Doo game.

This “game”  says on the front of the box “Feed and walk your little pup. When he makes a mess you clean it up!” Defecation is not fun people!  My 7-year-old son is already obsessed with the words butt and poo. He doesn’t need any more encouragement to bring out his inner Beavis and/or Butthead. He can follow our real dog around the yard if he really thinks this is fun.

2. The iPotty.

That’s right. Let’s start those boys young on taking hours to go the bathroom.  I thought it was bad enough I had to bribe my daughter with candy. I shouldn’t judge a parent in the desperate throes of potty training. The whole process stinks, literally. I just think this could lead to future issues.

2. The Gooey Louie.

Really? Really? This is a game? And someone out there is making money out it? I am desperately trying to get my kids to keep their fingers out of their own noses, let along something or someone else’s nose.  This is the description on Amazon:

• “Pick” a winner with Gooey Louie
• Put your finger up his nose and try to pick a winner
• Watch out, if you pick the wrong gooey Louie’s eyes will pop, he’ll flip his lid and his brain will fly out

No, I didn’t make that up.

For your mom/sister/friend:

1. Anything with a numbered size.

I have not so fond memories of a certain Christmas where my father ventured out on his own to buy my mom a jacket to wear to work. He picked it out because he “like the pattern.” He failed to read THE SIZE. The size he chose was about 6 up from what my mother usually wears. This didn’t go over well. After several hand gestures, choice words and tears my father learned to not by anything with a number as its size. Did I mention it is also the same Christmas we decided to record us opening our gifts. It’s like watching a dark comedy.  Women are offended by a poorly chosen size. And men, most men, are clueless about a women’s size. So just don’t go there.

2. Bacon scented cologne.

Friends don’t let loved ones smell like bacon. At least they shouldn’t. So not right. Unless your friend/sister has a biological clock that is ticking like a time bomb this is gross. Even then there is no telling just who or what they could attract. They may be followed home a pack of wild dogs, who will be very angry to find there is no actual bacon.

For your husband/brother/father:

1. The Ostrich pillow.

Do you like this person? At all? Even if they are a dog tired constant traveler no good can come out of this “nap-on-the-go” head contraption. There is a good case they will be detained at the airport for insanity. This gift basically just says “I want others to make fun of you.”

2. Keeping up with the Kardashians complete box set. 

Want to give the man in your life a lobotomy? Here is your non-surgical answer.  This is just cruel. Women can handle it. Kind of. Men are not equipped for this kind of stuff.

So are you done your shopping? I am not. I am close but the mission is not yet completed. I am spending too much time rewriting Beastie Boys songs. (See last week’s blog post if you missed it)  I’ve also been busy obsessively editing all the stuff we already have in the house to make room for more stuff. My organizational tendencies tend to go into a panic mode this time of year. Plus I want to work on a petition to keep Christmas lights out all year long. It makes me so happy to see them when I am out and about.

*Insider Tip – Go to the source.

Stuck on a gift for someone? Sleuth out where they like to shop. Many stores, especially smaller businesses, know their customers and what they have been eyeing up. Some stores are so organized they have wish lists that people can fill out. Locally Ashley Austin, Chantilly Blue, DeChic Boutique and Elizabeth Maar Boutiques all provide the opportunity for customers to fill out wish lists. Does it eliminate some of the mystery? Yep. But it also eliminates some of the misery. It really sucks to spend tons of time searching for that special something only to settle on anything, not even knowing if the person really wanted or needed the gift.

And don’t forget, a wardrobe consult from Suzie Gaffney Wardrobe Consulting can include any range of services including, but not limited to:

Trip Packing

Virtual Shopping Packages

Closet Clean Outs

Personal Styling

Private Shopping Outings

Personal Shopping delivered right to your door

Gift certificates can be mailed or hand delivered!

As always, thanks for reading!

Suzie