Your Momma Is So Fly…

Being a mom is hard. Just the other night I had to answer some very serious questions from my 9 year-old son as I was tucking him into bed. These included, but were not limited to:

Do soldiers go to heaven or hell if they kill someone during war?

Do babies come out of their mom’s belly buttons?

Do girls pee out of their butt holes? That’s why they sit down to pee, right?

I gotta admit, it’s that last one that really threw me off. I was horrified at first and then I felt guilty. I had never taken the time to explain this to him. When I filled him in he looked at me and said “Wow, this changes everything.” Yes son, yes it does.

As mom’s we are responsible, or at least partially responsible for keeping our households running smoothly. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, you know, just living the dream. I’m often relying on lists because the fog in my brain seems to be getting thicker and thicker. One of my most critical list is the grocery list. It hangs on the side of the fridge where everyone is responsible to write down any special requests or things that they use and are out of. They know it is not my job to take stock on their deodorant supply, so it’s up to them to write down what they need.  My  son threw me for yet another loop when I got a surprise request on the family grocery list.

 

And if you have daughters then all I can say is “Godspeed.” Their moods can change faster than a speeding bullet. Just because they liked yogurt on a Monday does not mean that they will like it on Wednesday. Be prepared for comments like, “Ewww! Gross!” and, “I hate yogurt!”, when you suggest it for breakfast, even if they ate it and enjoyed it just 36 hours prior. Simple things like not having certain color marker are enough to put the whole household on edge and induce a mental breakdown. Basically they act exactly how we feel when we have PMS. They say all the things we think in our head but we know we would get fired or divorced or we said or did them out loud. They are suffering from filterless PMS, even if they are years away from their period.

Oh and do you have a family pet? I don’t care if it’s a fish, hermit crab, dog, cat or a small monkey, chances are you are responsible for feeding, bathing, cleaning and possibly flushing or burying it. You haven’t experienced pure joy until you have spent 3 hours cleaning out a fish tank for that one prize fish that your child won because of a lucky throw into the bowl at the fair.

So if you hear yourself saying the same things to your children as your mother did to you then you know it is important to thank your own mom. Here are some quick suggestions, organized by theme, to help you with ideas. Because lets face it, you have probably been too busy working, cleaning, crying, cooking, and chauffeuring your children all over the damn state to have had any time to go shopping yet. Hopefully this well help.

For the Gardening Momma

 

 

For the Stressed Momma

 

 

For the Beachin’ Momma

 

Warning: Shameless Self Promotion Ahead

And what if your momma says she doesn’t need anything? What if she has too much stuff already? Give her the gift of a closet cleanout. I can email you a gift certificate for a 1, 2 or 3 hour session. I’ll help your mom get rid of what isn’t her style anymore and then I’ll help her get organized all the things she loves.

It may be the hardest job ever but it certainly has the most priceless rewards.

*Insider Tip – Save the date. 

Grab a ride with Uber and some girlfriends and get to your nearest movie tavern theater. This is going to be your new favorite movie.

 

Thanks for reading!

Suzie