Bows, Bridal, Bling and the Bold – The Oscars Red Carpet Review 2018

Bows, Bridal, Bling and the Bold – The Oscars Red Carpet Review 2018

Ladies and Gents we may have to change the red carpet to black…because it’s dead.

The red carpet has we once knew it has forever changed. It was flat-out painful watching the E Network as you could literally see the stars dancing past Ryan. The rest of the crew tried to fill in with painfully awkward conversation but it was indeed painful and awkward. Oh Joan…how we miss you so.

ABC, which has the exclusive pre-show red carpet rights, wasn’t really much better. Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino looked like they were on a manhunt and not in a romantic type of way, still they were interviewed no less than 300 times. Add in about 5 other celebrities and that was about it even for Michael Strahan. My personal opinion is that this wasn’t some kind of backlash to these particular interviews (although maybe in Ryan’s case, even though the thought of him being sexual in general is just kinda funny), but rather a back away movement as the celebrities and their publicists are now terrified of saying anything at all. If you just talk about your dress and your hair and jewelry than you are deemed shallow and insensitive and assumed to have slept with Harvey Weinstein. If you talk about the women’s movement you are bound to say something that can misconstrued by someone, somewhere. If you talk too much about the movie and your “craft” it’s just boring for everyone. So what’s a star to do? Stand still and look pretty for some pictures or just avoid the whole thing and run in at 5 minutes till showtime through some backdoor.

But, alas, the show must go on, and so will my annual red carpet review. Usually I like to give credit to the designer of this dresses but it was so difficult this year to find out who made the dresses since the women were zip lipped about their look. Let’s just saw that there was some definite themes going on – some good and some bad.

I like big bows and I cannot lie…

Hip bows, back bows, fluffy bows, all kinds of bows. I’m thinking this would make a good Dr. Seuss book.

img_0329img_3063img_3062img_3061

There are two things to be observed about this trend. The first is big bows can only be worn by very tiny people, and I am talking about a size -1, if that even is such a thing. So big bows need a little body.  The second is never ever go up against Nicole Kidman in fashion. She will slay it every single time.

Here comes the bride…

White was out in full force last night, and no I am not referring to race. This is a color that is bright, light and evokes hope. I like it. I just think it is dangerously close to looking like a wedding gown.

img_3075img_3072img_3065img_3078

I think three of these ladies pulled this off really well. To think they didn’t even spill anything on themselves or get grease from the limo on their train is a feat unto itself. I’d be covered in makeup marks and probably a piece of chocolate from the protein bar I know I’d be chowing on in my limo on the way. But one of these ladies took it too far. Matthew McConaughey’s lovely wife Camila Alves  definitely looked as if her plan was to liquor up her hot hubby and renew their vows after midnight. Just too much dress, too much tulle and too much white. (Although if you saw how much Timothée Chalamet fawned over Matthew then it may look like Camila may have to fight him for that vow.) Switch this color out for black and you have a whole different look with a lot of drama.

Bling it on…

Metallics melt my heart. Anything shiny with sparkles and I am on board. Shiny sequins and beads scream star and it takes some serious star power to hold up these often heavy dresses, both physically and mentally. You cannot be timid in a head to toe metallic dress. You have to own it and work it and believe it.

img_0326img_3052img_3059img_3067img_3066

This is hard as I think all of these ladies looked fab. J. Law is so good in her golden gown that this is nearly a tie. I think I have to go with Gal Gadot because of THAT FRINGE! Plus that is not an easy kind of look to accessorize but I think that necklace is perfection. And you all know how much I dislike the sternum low front cuts but this is done correctly on her because it’s not too too low and she’s not totally flat and she’s not making us stare at her boobs being stuck together. And although many ladies went with their hair down and loose, I like Gal’s elegant updo with her classic red lip.

The bold and the beautiful…

In truth color can be hard when worn formally. It rides a fine line between going straight to bridesmaid land. Case in point. IMG_3085

If you go with a bold color choice it’s got to have some very creative lines to look sophisticated. This avoids that process where the bride picks one color and then you all pick the cut that “flatters you best.” Even though this is her first go at the Oscars Allison Janney showed us how to do it right. She looked like a winner and she was a winner. Those sleeves would never ever be on a bridesmaid dress because you know you would get drunk and trip on them.

img_3070

And I am obsessed with how fabulous her Vanity Fair after party look is…did you know the majority of celebrities need not one but two dresses for this big night? The bigger questions is when and where do they get changed?

GettyImages-927409234_master

Now to what is  probably my favorite look of the night. It helps that she is so gosh darn likable, even with being a good, wholesome type of mom. In fact the only people who don’t seem to like her are Ben Affleck and his girlfriend Lindsay Shookus, and I am sure secretly even Lindsay wants to stay home and have cocoa and bake cookies with Jen. She’s just that great. And I absolutely love even more when she glams it up. Just gorgeous.

img_3086

Sleeves can be sexy…

Worth mentioning is these unicorn dresses, because finding a dress with sleeves that doesn’t make you look like a Granny is an elusive search for me as a stylist for so many of my clients. These pros nailed it. Even Meryl, who usually relies more on her acting chops that her fashion sense, looked radiant in these gorgeous shade of red.

img_3088img_0325img_0331

The key when wearing a long sleeve dress is to keep the overall silhouette sleek and sexy. Notice how with all these dresses it is about the cut of the dress. Jewelry is simple and stunning, with the focus on these gorgeous ladies. This is what chic looks like.

And then there is the not so chic…

Whoopi and Audra wore someone’s drapes. I have no idea why.

img_3080img_3079

This pose didn’t help her to not be compared to an upholstered floral chaise.

img_3092

I love Viola Davis – but I don’t love this look. As my friend Andrea pointed out my text last  night, she was clearly channeling a Donna Summer vibe…at least as far as her hair and earrings go. The lower half? That is clearly what Elle Woods would wear to the Oscars.

img_3069

Selma – why? Why would you do this? And so much of whatever it is. The hair was not good either. She may have gotten into a fight with her hair stylist.

img_3091

Oh Cookie…you are gorgeous…but  why are you showing us your own cookies?

img_3093

 

Worth noting…

img_3076

Do these two fight over the mirror at home to admire who is better looking? Or when you are that good looking do you just forgo mirrors altogether because you wake up knowing you have been genetically blessed. They should start another planet with the Crawford/Gerber clan, unless there is sometime of anti-trust laws on having a monopoly on all of the beautiful genes. Btw Cindy and her ugly clan weren’t there – but just take a minute to absorb how unfair this is.

img_3089img_3090

Age is just a number…

This is Rita Moreno. She’s 86 years old. I’ll tell you again – eighty-six years old.

img_0324

This is what enjoying life and giving zero effs looks like. She is in a strapless dress people! And not just any dress. She wore this exact same dress…in 1964. Rock on Rita.

rita-moreno-oscars-dress

 

*Insider Tip – W.W.J.L.D.?

When life puts you in the wrong “row” just grab a glass of wine and step over it – Jennifer Lawrence style.

img_3057

There is no doubt that some actors take themselves very seriously. The Academy Awards is kind of like the peeps of Harvard throw a wine tasting party and really you’d rather being at a state college kegger. I love that Jennifer Lawrence, gown and all, is always relatable and real. She was one of the few people last night that looked like they were actually having fun. Granted she wasn’t up for any kind of award so it is a little bit easier to let loose. But in general I think we can all take a page out of her book and remember to not take life too seriously. It’s simply much more fun that way.

img_3054

Thanks for reading – and please let me know…do you agree? Disagree? Who do you think looked good and who did not?

Suzie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Blackout on The Red Carpet

The Blackout on The Red Carpet

Want my very honest opinion on wearing black on the red carpet? You may not like it but you may read the italicized paragraphs below.  Want to skip the deep thoughts and just get to the good, the bad and the what were they thinking part? Scroll down to below the italicized font. 

In an effort to show solidarity among women, last nights female, and many male attendees chose to wear black. The color black is strong, no doubt, but it also feels serious, sometimes even sad, after all it is the color we associate with death and funerals. I am all about bringing awareness and opening up conversation to the sexual harassment scandal that has besieged Hollywood and beyond. What confuses me is that there were requests made by some women to take the focus off of fashion during the Golden Globes, an event that is typically known for what people wore as much as, sometimes even more than, whom actually won. That, in my opinion, is bullshit. 

I get that I will be of the minority and will certainly face some backlash for my opinion but nonetheless I am going there. Freedom of speech works on both sides of the fence and I’d like to say something about fashion and females. A celebrity is not created, achieved, or sustained in a vacuum, especially when it comes to women. There are agents, stylists, makeup artists, hairstylists, publicists and many others who are supporting the pyramid that builds up to a celebrity. While I appreciate that they want to use their spotlight to bring attention to a topic long kept in the dark, what I don’t appreciate is the disregard for acknowledging that they still want to look fabulous while doing so. What I am referring to, specifically, is an actress who wears a one of kind, hand beaded couture dress that is slit down to her navel and up to her thigh, skin-tight, in flawless makeup and with perfectly cascaded waves in her hair, dripping in borrowed diamonds and jewels, who then says don’t look at my body and don’t ask me about my clothes. No, you don’t get to be righteous and then shit on the fact that you are still using fashion to do so. 

Fashion is power, as is being female. Yes, we need equality in the workplace and yes we need to stand up to people who say and do inappropriate things that we allow to make us feel like less. But we also have the power, we always have. Women have the ability to seduce, to use their feminine wiles to their advantage. Have you ever flirted with a man just to get him to buy you a drink, maybe even brushed up against him or touched his arm? Nowadays he could come right back at you and call you out for inappropriate comments and touching, which, is kinda true if you had no real interest in having any further conversation or interaction with that man who just paid for your drink. Have you ever batted your eyes to get out of speeding ticket? Have you ever used your looks, or your sexuality in any way, implied or otherwise, to get your way? Your body has the power to be used for good and evil and it’s totally up to you on how you want to use it. I don’t care how it’s used as long as you are the one in control of that decision. When the control over your body is taken away by someone else? That’s where I have a problem. 

Sexual assault, crime and workplace misconduct that threatens your career, or your safety is a serious matter. But let’s sort that out from the back and forth innuendoes shared by men and women for years, both in the workplace and beyond. Banter and flirting, whether innocent or proprietary in nature, can be a one way or a two-way street. But one thing is for sure, an individual has a right on either end of the conversation to let the other end know that things have crossed a line or gone too far. Speak up and then move on. My fear is that some of the major violators of sexual harassment are being lost in the noise of a witch hunt on the entire male race. Also lost during last nights ceremony was the fact that men too have been victims of many of these horrible Hollywood monsters. Kevin Spacey hasn’t been accused of targeting women, he has been accused of targeted men, specifically some who are so young they would actually be classified as boys. Being a gay male in Hollywood is still kept a bit of a secret because it can sometimes limit an actor’s marketing ability to a female audience. How many men have remained silent in order to keep their careers, and, like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, the careers of all of the people they employ, in order to keep their celebrity status up and running?

I’ve said it so many times but it was never so true as it was last night on tv. Fashion speaks with a very loud voice. Even if you missed the awards show last night I am sure one of the first things you heard with regard to news coverage of the event wasn’t who won what category, but about how every woman wore black. Those black dresses, most of which are custom-made and designed for that particular actress, are not created out of thin air. From the garment workers in the textile factory to the administrative assistant who works for the fashion design house to the janitor that cleans the building, there is a complete industry working behind the scenes to create that statement making black dress. Many of those in that particular industry are, in fact, women themselves. I don’t think I heard Ryan Seacrest ask anyone who they were wearing last night out of fear of getting his head bitten off. Yes, let’s acknowledge the solidarity of woman. Let’s also acknowledge the men out there that are good, the ones who stand up for us, treat us like women and take care of us. Sure, we are equipped to do it ourselves but isn’t it nice to be shown some chivalry?  Let’s acknowledge the designer who worked countless hours sketching, pinning, draping and building their own personal work of art for you to wear, and don’t forget the seamstress with arthritic hands and who sewed each and every bead on your dress by hand and let the dress in and let it back out again as she adjusted for every little half a pound you gained or lost. Let’s acknowledge the stylist that brought more than 20 dresses back and forth to your home while you hemmed and hawed over which one you wanted to be given for free to wear. Let’s acknowledge that fashion is, and always has been, the strongest suit of armor we as women have to use in this epic story called life. Men can’t effect change with what they wear, not in the same way an entire room of women can. Oh and next time? How about something that celebrates women and their beautiful curves instead of sobering them? Let’s wear red and sparkles and sequins and gold. Let’s acknowledge the power of our appearance and how good it can make us feel, how a cashmere robe can envelope us in care and comfort or a couture gown can make us stand tall and feel regal and confident. But don’t, please don’t, say that what you are wearing doesn’t matter when it is literally the very fabric that wove together a diverse group of women last night. Be grateful for the power to instigate change by using your wardrobe.

FASHION + FEMALES = PHENOMENAL POWER

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled segment of The Red Carpet Review –

In a sea of black dresses celebrities had to up their game when it came to makeup and accessories. Some of them met this challenge and knocked it out of the park. Some, chose not to wear any makeup, essentially never even showing up to play ball. To each his (or her) own. In any case when you put everyone in black there are quite a few similarities and trends that stand out.

Also, just to keep it really real, here is what I was wearing while being oh so critical of these celebrities. This is why this critique is meant for fun, and not to harm or insult. My look was minnie mouse meets the Flyers meets the back end of my  dog, so clearly I am not really in a position to judge.  Comfort is key kids!

The Dress Over Pants Look.

This one is tricky, always. Tricky because you really have to have no hips to have an exaggeration of fabric come outward at your hips without looking, well, hippy. I also personally think this look looks best on someone a bit younger and more on the petite side overall. Which one of these ladies got it right? In the last picture I love the proportion and the fabric used in this outfit as worn by Alison Brie. The clean classic stiletto finishes off the look just right.

IMG_2111IMG_2103IMG_2106IMG_2108IMG_2081

The I Think I Want You To See My Underwear Look

While Beyonce has pulled off this look in the past, and mostly because she is Beyonce, I don’t know that I really like it. It sort of looks like a bathing suit meets coverup meets bedroom lingerie look that I’m just not following. I end up focusing on if they are wearing boy shorts or granny panties as opposed to looking at the overall dress. And while pretty much everyone can agree on the flawless, ageless perfection known as Halle Berry, I’m not sure I’m on board with this Victoria’s Secret castoff. A fitted black velvet sheath would have sealed the deal on Halle and looked much more elegant than this lace frock. And Kate, dear sweet Kate, please show us something else besides your sternum. I know it’s been hard rocking the short hair but the plunging neckline is not the right kind of distraction. I couldn’t find a pic of Ashley alone so Selma is in there looking confused by both of their outfits. As for Angelina I’m kinda wondering if I could wear that dress and use it like a sexy swiffer at the same time.

IMG_2101IMG_2077GettyImages-902333734_master.nocrop.w476.h670IMG_2109IMG_2116

IMG_2083

The Imma Gonna Wear The Suit Tonight Look

Some women said it was their turn to sport the tux. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it works it is usually because they kept something super sexy but subtle instead of going full on “I raided my sons/brothers/husbands closet.” Here’s to you Kyra Sedgwick for getting that cut on those pants so perfect and a jacket tailored in all the right spots.

Susan – this just looks sloppy and it makes me sad because you are such a knockout.

susan-sarandon

This look is so close to being fabulous but the pants are literally making me nervous that she is going to trip and the severity of the hair and makeup is too close to the Robert Palmer backup dancer video look.

claire-foyPoor Hugh Grant’s date looks like he literally told her in the car that they were going to stop by the Golden Globes while she’s all like “Wait, I thought we were just going out to Nobu for sushi!”

IMG_2120

Is it me or is Kevin Bacon morphing into William H. Macy?

IMG_2107

The Go Big With Tulle Or Go Home Look

Well if you have to wear black you might as well wear a lot of it. I kinda like Heidi’s dress but I kinda don’t, probably because it wants to kinda be short and it kinda wants to be long but it’s kinda not sure. IMG_2104I actually don’t mind Mariah’s dress but I am confused by the strap up top – maybe it is there to hold the big girls up and prevent a peekaboo sesh? Doesn’t she have a personal handler for those kinds of things? And how does she sit in this? Waddle like a mermaid?

IMG_2096While I’m still trying to figure out why the Kardashians are celebrities I have to give it to the one K child who has a legitimate career in modeling. Kendall wore this dress without it wearing her, not easy to do in a dress that size. The dress was so big that appears to have latched onto the ivy display in the background of this photo. I pity the assistant that had to pry it out of there without any damage.

IMG_2105

The Let’s Mix In Some Silver Look

I love that these ladies threw in a bit of celebration. Rita Wilson has metallic fireworks sewed into her dress , while Margot rocks shoulder pads like nobody’s business, tying it all up with a fantastic bow and floral thread detail. Dove Cameron (Disney chick for those of you without tweens in your house) also went for a delicate metallic bow accent while Jessica Chastain slayed it with pops of silver beading and drop dead perfect hair, makeup and earrings.

IMG_2088IMG_2078IMG_2093

jessicachastain_afp_700960x0

The Unfortunate Look

Whether this was a statement against looking pretty or just an accident, these lovely ladies missed the mark. Alicia looks like she is going to a funeral on the little house on the prairie followed by an Amish wake. The severe hair, the solemn look, it all just felt very sad.

IMG_2085Amanda Peet clearly has a stylist that hates her.  Either that or she lost a bet and someone said she had to wear a 1980s maternity bridesmaid dress with one side hiked up to show off some knee action.

IMG_2084

Diane Kruger always goes on the edge a bit but I kept stressing out last night that someone was going to step on that train, namely her date Norman Reedus who might just get his hair fixed if he did happen to fall.

IMG_2080 Sarah Paulson may have tried to be creative by pulling separates out of her closet but it just didn’t jive together. Did you know that her and Amanda Peet are besties? Maybe they shouldn’t get ready together. Or maybe they drank alot of wine and were just like “eff it, this’ll work!”

IMG_2087

Congratulations to Eva Longoria on her first baby, as the deep plunge and high center slit let us know that all signs were pointing to her first baby on board. I’m glad that she’s not further along because I’d be worried that they baby would show through that slit.

IMG_2086And then we have Sharon Stone – still as gorgeous as ever, with her cutie pie son as her date. While she is still rocking the hell out of this dress I just kept imagining her telling her son to warn her if he sees her areola pop out. I love how he proudly has his hand around her hips like “Look Ma – you don’t have any panty lines!” And do you think they did their hair together?

IMG_2094960x0-2

The I Am So Cool And You Wanna Hate Me But You Can’t Because I Am Awesome Looks

These looks can only be pulled off with complete confidence with girls that know how to slay all day. Zoe Kravitz – you were boho beautiful in Big Little Lies but you brought out a fierce and feminine look firmly grounded by heels that are like skyscrapers. And those earrings with the red lips are simply gorgeous.

IMG_2123

Also on the “only they can pull it off “list is those booties worn by the always awesome Kerry Washington. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that kind of shoe on the formal red carpet. And she paired it with this dress that has total downtown cook chick vibes all over it. And that hair!!!! The cut is sexy and simple and the smoky makeup is on point. This does have this “I just pulled this out of my closet look” that only girls who are truly chic can mix up, mash-up and make it work.

IMG_2117

Millie Bobby Brown is all of 13 years old but her cool girl status is planted firmly. She was age appropriate in the dress, shoes, hair and jewelry. And the dress has pockets! Always love me some pockets.

IMG_2114

Naomi Campbell is all like “You ladies want all black? Let a supermodel show you how it’s done.” Flawless at 47 years old.

IMG_2100

My Favorites – From The Front, Back and Side

Oh Penelope how I’ve missed you! You are classic Hollywood glamour with a dose of chic and sexy. I love the soft waves and how they echo the soft wave of the satin bustle in the back. This is a movie star and this is a gown.

Penelope-Cruz--2018-Golden-Globe-Awards--03-662x993penelopecruz_apf_700Penelope-Cruz--2018-Golden-Globe-Awards--04-662x993

Dakota Johnson. I’m gonna be honest in that I really haven’t seen her act. I saw the first 50 Shades of Gray and it made me uncomfortable how the two leading actors looked like they didn’t even like each other. But when it comes to the red carpet she has the sexy girl next door thing all ready to go. I love the casualness of the pony and the bangs, which, let me tell you after having bangs, they are a lot harder to do than they look. The velvet dress looks rich and sophisticated and the drop earrings add just enough without competing with the belt detail. I love that her makeup was kept simple and soft.

IMG_2092IMG_2091Dakota-Johnson-Gucci-Dress-Golden-Globes-2018

The BFF Accessory

Oprah was honored with the Cecil B. Demille Award last night and if I am being totally honest I don’t even know what that is for. But it’s Oprah and she talks in sing-song voices and makes us feel like we can eat carbs, get a hug and have an aha moment. There is something a little smug about her at times but I’d be a total nightmare if people fawned over me the way they do over her. But what I love most is that she brought steady Stedman AND she brought her BFF Gayle. Because we all know if we were going to one of these things and getting a big award we’d all be like can I bring my bestie too??? An award is great and all but it’s not the same without my best friend there to enjoy it with me. Plus in my mind I imagine them discussing what they were going to wear “too much silver O?” (in my mind Gayle calls her O and can’t be bothered with the whole Oprah thing) “which bag do you like best O? black? or silver? And can I still wear my watch? I like wearing my watch ” And O is all like ” Gurl go ask Stedman – I am still stuck on figuring out which eyeglasses to wear with this dress! And I have to make a speech that changes the lives of little girls foreveerrrrrrr!” And did they plan on Oprah’s boobs being so high up and Gayle’s being so low? You know you wanna know too.

oprah-winfrey-golden-globe-awards3-ap-mem-180108_4x3_992IMG_2113

*Insider Tip – Fashion is under YOUR control

What you wear is powerful. It can make so many statements without you ever having to say a single word. While fashion is important, it only gets us so far. Whether we use it to set the tone in someone else’s mind or within our own is up to us. Don’t ignore it but don’t take it too seriously. What we wear is one thing and what we say and do quite another. I love that there is a movement to get all this dark stuff out into the light. I don’t care if women wear their pajamas to an awards show if it means it makes more room for more shows like Big Little Lies that showcase complex, complicated and can’t look away type characters. In our fight for the females lets not forget to fight for everyone. My favorite quote of the night, ironically, was not from Oprah, or from a female, but from Sterling K. Brown, the actor who plays Randall Pearson on This Is Us. I’d like to see Hollywood continue to make more roles written for all the many different people who make up our beautiful world.

After thanking his family, his castmates et al, Brown turned his focus to Dan Fogelman, This Is Us creator and showrunner. “Throughout the majority of my career, I’ve benefited from colorblind casting which means, you know what, hey, let’s throw a brother in this role, right? Really cool,” Brown said. “Dan Fogleman, you wrote a role for a black man. That could only be played by a black man. And so what I appreciate so much about this thing is that I’ve been seen for who I am and being appreciated for who I am. And it makes it that much more difficult to dismiss me, or dismiss anybody who looks like me.

Thanks for reading,

Suzie

It’s Back to School Time and it’s Back to the Emmy’s…let’s grade the red carpet looks.

It’s Back to School Time and it’s Back to the Emmy’s…let’s grade the red carpet looks.

I’d like to preface this post by stating that I am fully aware that opinions are like….bellybuttons (sounds nice than that other thing everyone has one of), in that everyone has one. This is why the exact same dress can end up on the worst dressed list and the best dressed list because the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In this case I’m going to get to be the teacher and I can get to grade these red carpet looks. And like any good teacher I’m going to give constructive criticism to those who I feel have potential to improve their grade next time.  Read along and please feel free to share back how you’d grade these looks.

 

Nicole Kidman  

img_0489

This is Nicole Kidman  and this ain’t her first rodeo. Between her country crooner hubby and a mile long list of movies she’s walked this walk a few times. And I’d like to think (in my head of course) that she has class. Class in that she knows this is the Emmys, where they hand out awards for acting on television. Not too long ago television used to the be the J.V. of Hollywood, with movies being the Varsity team. Then cable got good, like really good, like better than most movies good, the Varsity team decided they wanted to play on the J.V. team. Guess what happens when a member of the Varsity team comes “down” to play with the J.V. team? People swoon, people stare and first row television actors are now seated in the second row to make room for the movie actors. If I was a long time television actress I’d be pissed. I’d be all like “Nicole, you already have A list status, can’t you just let us little television people have this one thing? Can’t you just keep your Oscars and let us have this? We already share the Golden Globes!” But then again I can be a brat so maybe they really don’t care. What I’m saying is that I think Nicole is aware that she draws a lot of attention (tall, gorgeous, movie star) and I think this dress hits all the right notes without her coming in and scoring a touchdown accompanied by an obnoxious victory dance. That’s why she gets an A from me.

 

Reese Witherspoon

Here’s another “movie star” at the Emmys, but this time I think the message is all sorts of lost in translation. I get it that Reese is all about empowering women and being a #girlboss, but this awkward take on the menswear dress just feels like she dumbed it down. Instead of Nicole’s whole “I know they will be looking at me so I will kinda bring it but not go full on look”, this was all like “I know they will be looking at me so I will just wear something that doesn’t look like I was even trying, you know so the tv people can still have their night.” I’d actually like to cut off the sleeves. Then it is a little more sexy and a little less suit like. I give Reese a C. 

What can Reese do if she wants to bring her grade back up? She needs to give the people what they want. How about an ode to Elle Woods, our favorite legal eagle, in girly pink. She can still be a serious producer and feminine force without losing her fun factor. I’m going to stick her head on Jane Fonda’s body and dress, which I think is just a bit too much pink for Jane (would have rocked in black or all white). There, that’s better.

 

Zoe Kravitz

Your parents are Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet. You are cool by default. You can do edgey. But this is edgy fun. It us an ombre fringed rainbow. Her hair is fringed. The jewelry is perfect. Those cheekbones could cut ice and her eyes look like she may kill you. The only thing missing on this dress is a smile. With a dress that fun she should look happy! I give the overall look an A. 

Gabrielle Union

Gabrielle is gorgeous. Like jaw dropping gorgeous skin. So why did she borrow crazy old Aunt Edna’s bolero jacket? I don’t get it. Maybe she wanted to go away from her usual sleek and sexy but with her body it’s a waste. Plus her dimples always make her somewhat cute, which means she can get away with a somewhat sluttier dress.  I don’t understand the necklace. Or maybe it is a collar. This is a D because I know she can do better.

I’m going to take the white dress off of Sofia Vergara and put it on Gabrielle. Someday her body will be soft and mushy like mine and then she can whip out the black illusion lace to hide it all.

Sofia Vergara

Speaking of Miss Sexy herself I think I’m getting bored. Yes, her body is banging but we always see this silhouette on her. I like her new bangs and I’d like to see her go one step further and go with something unexpected.  I’m going  to grade this look as a C. Forgive me because I didn’t catch the name of the actress that was wearing this dress but I think I’d like to Sofia try this out.

 

Mandy Moore

I’m a little biased here because I love Mandy Moore. Do you know anyone that doesn’t like Mandy Moore? She’s just so…likeable. I also love the tv show This Is Us. The dress is a little bit fashion-y but I mean that in a good way. The simple diamond jewelry is a subtle accent for these funky tiers done in this classic palette, and the pink lips are perfect. But this dress is not subtle. It calls attention to it when it exits a limo and sashays down the carpet. Mandy’s at a really great place in her career right now and I think this dress was a perfect choice. I happily grade this with an A. 

Michelle Pfeiffer

Damn this woman does not age. She’s lovely. But I am not loving the dress. Michelle has been around a long time and because of that I think she can take some risks. This dress was not risky. I don’t mind the top half but the bottom half is just dowdy. Maybe a velvet cigarette pant instead?  I’m going to give this a B.

Felicity Huffman

The hair, the makeup the jewelry, the train…Felicity looks fabulous. Head of the class, grade A. 

Regina King

I’m bummed. I love Regina. And clearly she could kick some serious ass and probably win an arm wrestling contest with Miss fab arms herself, Michelle Obama. But here’s the thing…muscles and hard bodies need some fat and some softness for balance. I don’t mean body fat but fabric fat. There should be some flow and some drape. When the lines are too severe and angular it can have a masculine effect. This dress does nothing for her chest, or her sternum. I do love the earrings though. This is a D.

How can we bring this grade up? Fabric and flow my friends. If you have chiseled and sculpted muscles don’t hide them but don’t saran wrap them either. Soften them just a bit. The juxtaposition of a gorgeous fabric against the strong lines of a sculpted body is gorgeous. Let’s stick Regina in Jessica Biel’s dress. Jessica has a similar tone body with a broad chest line. I love this dress on Jessica but the color feels blah (imagine it in an emerald green on her!!).

Ellie Kemper

I don’t watch a lot of tv. Not because I’m intellectually superior and have better things to do but because sleeping is like a hobby to me and I prefer to devote a lot of time to it. And I have kids who are awake later and later and we don’t have the same choices in shows. But man I love me some Kimmy Schmidt. So good. I love that Ellie is smiling. I love the velvet (very on trend) and the beading. I love that the nails match the dress (I’m seeing a lot of this). But I do not like this sheer hemline thing. It’s dumb. I either wish it was short and stopped at the velvet, or that the velvet layer was full length. This is so close but I give it a B.

 

Heidi Klum

Oh Heidi, this is just unfortunate. Too many bangles, too high of a slit, and too much boob running away from you and into your armpit. She’s Heidi Klum. She doesn’t need all those bells and whistles because she is a bell and whistle. This is an F, because clearly she forgot the assignment.

How to fix this? Go back to basic building blocks. Heidi Klum may have bells and whistles but she needs to have all the feels associated with bells and whistles. Sequins to the rescue! Oh and let’s come out and support these breasts. They have been through 4 children and despite cosmetic help they can still use some good ole bustier support. I think this dress goes back to her model days and it would work, but she would have some serious competition as Laverne Cox is clearly wearing the sh*t out of this dress.

 

Susan Sarandon

And that, boys and girls is what to wear on a red carpet. Did I mention she is 70? She is a star and she damn well knows it. This is what an A+ looks like.

But please fire your publicist if they tell you to pose with your hand on your butt. That’s just weird. I feel like I she is grabbing her butt being like “Ya’ll see this? I still got it. It’s better than yours. And I’ll kick your ass at ping pong.” ( I read she is part owner of a ping pong club) But no need for the grab. The lines of this dress tell us that everything on you is still good. Oh and notice how her nails are matching her dress too.

 

*Insider Tip – Tailor, tailor, tailor.

Milo Ventimiglia and Joel Kinnaman.

*

We can’t forget about the men. Even though they can all feel like a bunch of penguin suits there is one thing that makes the difference for men and for women. Rarely are things a perfect fit when they come off the rack. Designers use fit models when they get down to the nitty gritty of physically constructing their clothes from sketch design into fabric and form. That form is a human being picked by that designer to fit their sample size – often a 0 or a 2 for women. Not because smaller is prettier but because it is easier to work with the fabric on a smaller scale. My point is don’t discard things in your closet, or when out shopping based on something that could be an easy fix. Does it take a little more effort? Yup. Can it cost a little more? You betcha. Do clothes fitted to YOUR body and YOUR shape help you LOOK and FEEL your best. For sure. The  polish and precision on these guys above comes from making sure the buttons fit at just the right points on their waist. The pants should be tailored behind the things and come to the most flattering point at your ankle and shoes. Also notice the sleeve length. It’s perfect. When it all comes together properly you don’t notice all these details, but when it is wrong you know it is wrong, you just don’t know why. Find a tailor. Ask around…it could be your local dry cleaner or somebody’s grandma. Make them cookies, buy them wine and whisper sweet nothings in their ear. They will be your secret weapon and you should honor them as such.

 

Who passed your class? Who failed?  All opinions welcome and thanks so much for reading!!

Suzie

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Oscars 2017 – The Red Carpet Review

Oscars 2017 – The Red Carpet Review

Let’s get right to it and take a look at the Wows and the What Were They Thinking…

Please note – I’m also including looks from the Vanity Fair Oscar Party Red Carpet, which some celebs change outfits to attend. That’s a lot of work.

Gold Rush

This years red carpet was almost all gold.  Every actress wanted one of those gold statues or at least they wanted to look like a life-size gold statue.

js121880156_invision_emma-stone-xlarge_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqyxdqvwczezerafn4q2plwg8wvtjqzldf_nfjipi5qraimg_2378img_7495img_7520

But my fav of this bunch was Emma Stone. The dress literally shimmies when she moves. She got to wear the gold and bring home the gold guy. Score!

img_2371

Sternum Statements

Am I the only one who is both confused and sick of this look? I just don’t find it flattering.katehudson-9d1fd09b-8095-471f-90ec-a3d62801ff3e

Even Justin Timberlake looks confused at his wife’s situation at the Vanity Fair party.

3dbde9d800000578-4263282-image-m-195_14881847895773dbde86f00000578-4263282-image-a-198_1488184807720

3dbfa59700000578-4263282-image-a-438_14881897391553dbfa59700000578-4263282-image-a-438_14881897391553dbde86f00000578-4263282-image-a-198_1488184807720

Jessica Biel
Jessica Biel

He looks concerned, and maybe even a little scared. The was an actress who used to be known for her strong, athletic figure with a booty and bust. Maybe he’s wondering how Jessica removed her boobs and if parts of his own body could disappear just as quickly.  Perhaps she can borrow from these ladies who have enough to share.

Smooshed Silhouettes

I think some amount of cleavage can look great. But I couldn’t help looking at these ladies and worrying that they would have indents on the chests after the dress comes off. Some of these looks appear to be painful. You can’t cram a DD cup into an A cup dress, trust me, I’ve tried. In a perfect world boobs would be like the old Reebok pump sneakers, where we could inflate and deflate them to work with our outfits.

3dbd5fff00000578-4263282-image-a-305_14881875581173dbd061800000578-4263282-image-a-133_1488183581640

The tragedy of it all is that this is an absolutely stunning dress on a gorgeous girl, but no one will ever look at the bottom of the dress because they are too busy staring at what looks like a baby’s bare bottom stuck to her chest.

 

Oh Mariah…why?  I feel very nervous  that one of her breasts might explode. And wouldn’t you just love to know what Reese is thinking ?? Because I have this feeling that these two just happened to be passing by each other and someone asked them to pose for a picture. It’s just awkward. 3dbe8c7400000578-4263282-image-a-199_1488198349146

The Gents

There were some well dressed gents in attendance last night. I love the white dinner jacket on Deb and Andrew’s tailoring is impeccable. Most men are wearing their pants all wrong, and on Andrew you can see just how good it looks when they fit right.

img_7497img_7523

 

Then there was Ryan Gosling…who evidently decided to wear the same shirt my dad wore when he married my mom…in the 1970s. I mean, he’s still Ryan Gosling so I think all the ladies can agree to let this one slide.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – FEBRUARY 26: Actor Ryan Gosling attends the 89th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 26, 2017 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images)

b3a8451e3ff56070c5efbe728879cdc90eb17795ff67b5c094e0893eb8d5c7fa-682x1024

Perhaps he was trying to distract people from looking at his sister’s ample bosom.

HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 26: Actor Ryan Gosling attends the 89th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 26, 2017 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images)

Dashing Duos

These couples hit a style home run.

Yes, Jen is sporting the navel slit look but I have to say it works well on her because she nailed the exact amount of skin vs. fabric. I also think it looks better to have the hair down when sporting the sternum. With Jessica Biel and Kate Hudson they both had their hair up and/or back, which I think just contributes to that whole boy-meets-world look.

img_2369

Oh hey Hollywood…here’s the OG of the red carpet and they know how to do it right. Please note Jeff’s amazing velvet shoes, and his wife is wearing the hell out of that gown, showing up women who are half her age.

img_7521

 

Beautiful Women In Not So Pretty Dresses

She’s stunning…but this boho crocheted bathing suit wedding train hybrid does not work.

3dbe46de00000578-4263282-image-a-293_1488186976520

Oh Scar-Jo this is just a Scar-No. Pleats are tricky, very tricky, especially when a woman has curves. Scarlett has an almost sinfully perfect body so I don’t understand why they would put her in these billowy pleats. The belt feels like an unfortunate afterthought to try to reign in the dress.

img_7503

And they tried to use that dumb belt again when she changed for the Vanity Fair party.

gallery-1488197661-scarlett-johansonn

What happened here? There had to be somebody in the room, even just one person, who should have stood up during this fitting and stated the obvious, that this dress is hideous. It has an overgrown loincloth look going on that I just don’t understand.

diane-kruger-at-vanity-fair-oscar-2017-party-in-los-angeles-1_thumbnail

Dakota – come on, I know you can do better. This looks like a project runway challenge where they were asked to use old satin sheets and curtains, and this would not have been selected as the winning look. It kind of says pilgrim porn star.

rs_634x1024-170226161746-634-academy-awards-oscars-2017-arrivals-dakota-johnson

 

 

No thanks, I’ll just stand.

I love that Leslie was going for color and I love that Janelle went a bit haute couture, but these dresses have to be impossible to sit in. I mean, really, how did they sit? Do they were a seatbelt in the car?  And what about using the restroom? Maybe they just kept a child’s training potty under their skirts, there certainly was enough room. This is just a glimpse into all the weirdo things I think about when I watch a red carpet.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/REX/Shutterstock (8434880bb) Leslie Mann 89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017
Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/REX/Shutterstock (8434880bb)
Leslie Mann
89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA – 26 Feb 2017

img_7504

 

Loved the dress, but not the hair.

Halle Berry is drop dead gorgeous, and I love the different textures on this gown, it compliments her shape perfectly. And while I appreciate that she was trying something different with her hair, I really think she looks best when she does a clean and classic short cut. Plus I’d be super annoyed if I had to sit behind her. I’d also probably get kicked out because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from trying to touch it. I’d have to know if it was springy and soft or sprayed and stiff.

img_7519

 

Charlize is a movie star and she always looks the part. She had the low front dip but there was plenty of tailored fabric to balance it out.

HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 26: Actor Charlize Theron attends the 89th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 26, 2017 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA – FEBRUARY 26: Actor Charlize Theron attends the 89th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 26, 2017 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

But please, please, explain the pony. Did anyone else want to take a pair of scissors and cut it off? And the elastic? I feel like they may have been trying to do something else and then just gave up. Just like Halle, I think she looks best with very short and close cropped hair.

rs_1024x759-170226182253-1024-charlize-theron-david-oyelowo-oscars-candids-ms-022617

Maybe when you are as genetically gifted as these two, having long hair just gets in the way of all that perfection on your face.

halle-berry-oscar-hairstyle-2011

arrives at the Oscars at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 24, 2013 in Hollywood, California.
arrives at the Oscars at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 24, 2013 in Hollywood, California.

 

I know I’ve done a lot of complaining but I had to get it out of my system. Let’s move on to the flawless.

 

It’s All In The Details…

These Eyes

This eye makeup, this purple and the perfect pony. I don’t think anyone else could pull it off but the color just makes Olivia’s eyes pop. And notice how the velvet wrap of her pony compliments the ribbon detail on her dress.

img_7506

That Hair

This is Hollywood hair…the color, the cut and that curl. Someone spent time on that specific wave just above her eye, and that someone nailed it.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/REX/Shutterstock (8434880as) Emma Roberts 89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017
Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/REX/Shutterstock (8434880as)
Emma Roberts
89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA – 26 Feb 2017

Those pockets

Every single female I know gets so excited when they put on a dress or skirt with pockets. We put our hands in it and tell anyone who will listen. We even show them to prove its true.

“I like your dress.” “Thanks, it has pockets!!!”

It’s not that we are really going to put anything in there but it’s knowing that we could. Also it gives us something to do with our hands when we don’t know what to do with our hands. The necklace and shoes, combined with old school glam hair and makeup, make this one of my favorite looks of the night.

 

img_7500

That Back.

This dress looks like a breath of fresh air. And then she turned around and we all had our faith restored that Spring will be here soon.

img_7510img_7509

These Women

These two women were my favorites. Taraji brought out her inner diva and swathed her in velvet. She was smoldering as she sashayed down that carpet. This is true glamour the likes of which we haven’t seen since Elizabeth Taylor swaggered and sauntered those same carpets.

img_7524

This dress is simple and yet so stunning. The cut showcases those perfect shoulders, while her jewelry and makeup is subtle and sophisticated. The color grabs your attention but your focus stays right on Viola herself, which is right where it needed to be. Her speech rocked, it literally trembled and dripped with the full emotion of the moment. It was so beautiful and so is she.

img_2373

So what are your thoughts? Who did you like? Who did you think had a drunk stylist? And who can’t get rid of that awful cringe in their gut when they realized they handed out the award to the wrong winner? Let me know and thanks for reading my recap!

Suzie

 

 

 

 

The Oscars Red Carpet Review

The Oscars Red Carpet Review

 

A quick disclaimer….

I said it last year and I’ll say it again, asking the media not to talk about their outfit is just stupid. I get it, you want people to focus on you and not your outfit. But here’s my issue – we know you are important, you wouldn’t be invited if you weren’t. And because The Academy thinks you are important you get to walk the red carpet. And guess what happens when it is time to get dressed? Thousands of people work thousands of hours to provide you with dozens of options of dresses for you to wear – FOR FREE! All they are asking for in return is a quick acknowledgement of their design. Is that really such a big deal? And if it is than why don’t you fire your stylist and go shopping and find your own dress…off the rack…at the mall…like the rest of us who don’t get asked “Who are you wearing?” You can be just like the rest of us at weddings and other formal functions. Let’s see how that goes for you.

 

Okay..now that I got that away…who looked outstanding and who just stood out?

Boobs. That’s what stood out.

Front boob and side boob. I’m looking at you and your boobs Olivia Wilde. Olivia is drop dead gorgeous, with a face that looks like it was sculpted out of marble. Let’s keep the focus there. Not on your boobs. Call me prude or old-fashioned but I think the Oscars are meant to hold a little bit of formality and class. I just don’t think there is anything classy about strapping two tiny strips of fabric over the center of your boobs. If it’s the MTV Movie Awards I expect this. But this is the Oscars!! Stay classy San Diego!

olivia wilde oscars 2016 - Google Search:

 

Liquid Gold

I’m not saying you can’t show any skin. I’m just saying to keep a balance. Margot Robbie did this perfectly. She is almost completely covered except for the front v. And she looks like a perfect Oscar Statue.

This is it: the red carpet to end all red carpets (until the Tonys that is).:

And let’s take a second to drool over that clutch with the really, really, really long tassel. I want one. Now.

This Is the Best Margot Robbie Has Ever Looked on the Red Carpet - Cosmopolitan.com:

K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid)

Sometimes simple works really, really well. Olivia Munn absolutely slayed it in this one shoulder pop of color. I think it’s perfect because it is slightly understated. She’s not nominated for an award, she’s a presenter. This dress gets attention without stealing the show.  The funky wrap cuff bracelet keeps it chic and modern.

Olivia Munn in Stella McCartney on the Oscars red carpet (Photo: Noel West for The New York Times):

Weird but worked? Lady Gaga.

She’s Lady Gaga. We expect some type of shenanigans. But she saved the silly costumes and showed off her elegant side.  She threw in the funk with the unexpected pants/train combo and it worked.  She nailed the pop star at The Oscars look. Loved it.

This is it: the red carpet to end all red carpets (until the Tonys that is).:

 

She’s back in black.

Do you know anyone that doesn’t love Jennifer Garner? I think we all root for her because she keeps it real. She’s been lying low since things fell apart with Batman and I think we were all rooting for her to come back strong. Read her recent interview in Vanity Fair to see how she is doing, you’ll love her even more. Is this black dress her best look ever? No but it is strong and elegant. It doesn’t try too hard or scream “Look at me!” but at the same time it’s a dress only a true movie star could pull off.

Jennifer Garner Oscars Gorgeous:

Bridal Shower Gone Wrong

If you have ever had the unfortunate experience of decorating for a bridal shower or a wedding you know it involves a trip to Walmart and a whole lot tulle. So much tulle that you could pull it together into a dress. But even though you could doesn’t mean you should.

Heidi Klum:

High Wattage.

Naomi Watts brought the glam and it looked gorgeous. This dress is totally different and I love the ombre of purple hues. Sometimes a bold jewel tone can look jarring on fair skin but her jewelry and lip color pull together the whole look.

01e549735a7bfdabfaefd81d332b55b3f22ded6989

Speaking of her jewelry. Let’s just take a minute to focus on the fabulous that is this Bulgari stunner. I’ll take 2 please.

The winner was Charlize Theron who appeared near the end of the event wearing $3.7 million worth of Harry Winston Diamonds. The show stopper was the 48-carat Secret Cluster Diamond Necklace:

 

Kate…Wait!

This is what Kate Winslet’s husband/stylist/best friend should have shouted to her before she left the house. This dress looks like it was from the oil spill left over after the Titanic sank. Why? She is lovely. This is a trash bag. A very expensive trash bag made by Ralph Lauren. Apparently Ralph must have fallen off his polo pony and got injured because he just checked out on this one.  The whole thing makes me sad.

No, Kate, no!:

 

The Great Cate Debate.

My pick for best dressed? Cate Blanchett. I know there will some people who will hate it but I absolutely love it. It’s high fashion and high glam and only could be worn by her. I don’t even know that I would have liked it on anyone else but that’s what makes for a best dressed award. It’s just about the dress. It’s the combination of the dress and who is wearing it. This is a unique color but it works so well on her. The fit of the dress is tailored to show every single curve in a sophisticated manner.  Her hair and the jewels? Just P-E-R-F-E-C-T. And only a movie star knows how to nail that pose, that stance, in that dress. Love.

This is it: the red carpet to end all red carpets (until the Tonys that is).:

Dumbest thing I saw online all night…

 :

Really US Magazine? They “bring” their bump with them??? As if they had an option of leaving them at home. My guess is that a guy wrote that statement.

Insider Tip – Hue Knew?

Please excuse my poor excuse for paintshop skills.

0131eaafa6f7594d32b24e8683fc5ab6e8740be8b9 01e7a9f3fd62f1a6aac5586322f17e29fd6b5fa600

When it comes to getting the right look for a big event color is key. The right dress with the right cut can go wrong very quickly when the color is off. In looking at the actress above, the dress fits her beautifully, but the color fades into her skin and right on into the background. Now imagine if it was a beautiful shade of jade green. With her striking red hair this look would have stood out instead of faded away. Taking the time to find the best shade for your skin can make all the difference. Also take into consideration if you are going to go the spray tan route. I always look so pale that people ask if I’m okay. For a big event I love a spray tan. Plus it enables me to where several colors that normally would not work on my skin. If you are really not sure what is your best shade then take a sec to flip through some old pics of yourself. You will be able to quickly tell which shades looked fab and which fell flat. 

Who were your favorites? Hits? Misses? Let me know!

Thanks for reading!

Suzie