Last night was the 95th annual Academy Awards Show. As always I watched all the arrivals and took lots of notes so keep reading for my recap! Side note…Lord how I miss Joan Rivers. She had the best interviews, she made it fun and I loved her reviews. Most of the interviews last night on the red carpet were awkward and uncomfortable (Hello, Hugh Grant…you are an actor! Can’t you fake it? Look it up if you missed it). No one did it like Joan and no one ever will.

First off, lets discuss the elephant on the carpet. Someone went and bleached the red carpet and I am not a fan. You can call it a “champagne” color carpet all you want but it looks blah and beige. And if what I am reading is correct, this was a surprise change that was only announced the day before. Why is the color such a big deal? Well for me first it’s about tradition. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Secondly it’s iconic to walk THE RED CARPET, it’s not iconic to walk a cream/ivory/beige whatever carpet. In the words of Mean Girl’s Regina George, “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen, it’s not going to happen.” Third, the person who chose this color change clearly did not consult any of the stylists because no stylist would have their client match the red carpet. It’s always been a bit of a risk in years past to put a celeb in a red dress on a red carpet because it can clash or blend in. This year white was THE COLOR of the runway on the carpet and it just felt so blah and bland to see these stunning gowns fade into the carpet. Okay I’m stepping off my “red” soapbox now.

My Winners

Ummm hello regal Queen! This color! Angela Bassett brought went full out glamour with this Moschino confection, and it was, perfection. Her hair, her makeup and just the whole look brought the drama and ties the top spot for my fav. You may have seen or heard that Angela may or may not have thrown some shade by not looking thrilled when she lost in her category to Jamie Lee Curtis. Look, I’m not gonna lie, if I was in line to win an award like that and didn’t get I’m pretty sure I’d get caught crying on camera. Of course you are happy for the other person and blah, blah, blah but of course you want to win.

Cara ties this top spot because…I mean just look at this at Elie Saab creation. This woman is a supermodel and she knows how to walk in a dress like this. The sleek updo was the perfect compliment to the large scale bow of the dress. And omg it has pockets! I would definitely store snacks in there because it’s a long freaking show. Oh and notice all the specks of stuff all over the beige carpet? So annoying. We would not see that with the classic red.

White Out

As I was saying, white and shades of white (yes there are shades) dominated what I will just now refer to as THE CARPET. This is not always an easy color to pull off and the fit and fabric has to be absolutely perfect because it lays everything so bare. Both of these looks were absolutely flawless and I love the return of a big chandelier earring. Fun fact…Mindy Kaling’s dress was by Vera Wang and she also had the dress made in black, which she wore when she was a presenter last night.

Then we had whipped cream white. I’m on the fence on this one because it comes off feeling very bridal. And what about the unfortunate attendee who got to go the Oscars but couldn’t see anything because they were seated behind a white cloud? That doesn’t seem very fair.

White diamonds and mirrored beading was also seen, as is the ubiquitous sternum cleavage we have gotten so used to seeing. In the case of the two women above I have to go with Ariana over Eva because the dress is a better fit. I love Eva’s dress but I just feel like there is too much of it at the bottom and on the sides, Maybe they can take some off and stick it into the deep v neck.

Shades of Champagne

Jamie Lee Curtis literally matched the exact shade of the carpet but the sparkle in the dress still allowed her to stand out. This is a woman who has been doing this a long time and she knows what looks good on her. Even though she is completely covered from neck to ankles to wrists, that corset boning keeps it sexy and current. I love the small detail of the ruching drape to allow for a great fit through the midsection.

Blush

Of course we will always see some lace but both these looks fell a little flat for me and I think it is the color. I do love the pockets on the blush pink but I’m not loving the undone slip look on Zoe. I actually think both these dresses would pack more punch in black or midnight navy.

The Dark Side

There really wasn’t a ton of black dresses last night, which I found really surprising. I loved Julia’s dress but I would have taken the hem up just a couple inches to enhance the column effect. Jennifer dress reminded me of a Top Gun battleship landing strip and I didn’t like it. Andie MacDowell and her genetically blessed daughter both showed how a simple black dress can be drop dead amazing.

Bold Colors

Only Cate Blanchett could wear these two shades of blue in this liquid satin drape and make it look so elegant. You need her height and her figure and her experience to wear a dress this well. The other two were not my favs as I felt like the dresses overwhelmed each of the women.

I don’t know if anyone is going to agree with me but I actually really liked this color choice on Sandra Oh. It had an effortless boho kind of feel and I’m obsessing over the vintage Harry Winston statement necklace. I would have preferred a more polished updo just to clean it up a bit. I also loved the draping and this shade of blue on Katie Lowes. The gown looks luxe and beautiful.

The color combination of this dress was so unusual but I think it worked, especially on a beige carpet. The velvet bow a the waist is an exquisite detail. Actress Monica Barbaro said she specifically chose a dress from Elie Saab because they were one of the only fashion houses who would dress her when she was first starting out on the Hollywood scene. I love that she is showing the her loyalty right back to them.

Also Trending…

Platform heels are staging a comeback. Platform heels, aka stripper shoes, are created, believe it or not, for comfort and stability, and they aren’t just for ladies dancing in the dark. While these were seen everywhere when YSL came out with their Tribute heels in the early 2000’s they quickly saturated the market and then the trend was over. I think they are making a comeback because I don’t know anyone who can comfortably walk or stand in a stiletto heel after being in full on sneaker mode for the last couple years. I personally love a platform heel even though I’m more likely to hide mine under a flared pant or maxi dress.

Legs were a big accessory as well. Yes, I realize most people have 2 of them, but last night showed how many dresses were made to show off the stems and a great ankle strap shoe. These ladies worked a slit harder than Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at last year’s ceremony (sorry, I had to go there). Also note trending above is the oversize rosettes on both Nicole and Halle’s dresses. I liked both of their dresses and loved how Halle’s hair complimented the wave of the rosettes.

Statement necklaces were also big last night, as seen above, with not one but 2 snakes! I hate snakes but I did like these necklaces. It gave me a throwback feel to when necklaces were big and bold on the carpet (think Cameron Diaz in chunky turquoise).

Corset boning was also trending which looked great but I’m sure was pretty uncomfortable. Lady Gaga also sported some sheer backside cleavage with I hope does not turn into a trend.

Metallic Shine

I liked all of these looks above but Jessica Chastain nailed it for me with that unexpected velvet train and what could be one of the best heads of hair in the business. Ava’s sparkle train was stunning too. I love Kate Hudson’s but did not like the sleeves, it would have been so much sleeker if we could cut those off. If I had her arms I would not be covering them up.

Nobel Peace Prize laureate Malala Yousafzai absolutely stunned in these Ralph Lauren gown. The red lip seals the deal for this sparkling stunner.

Switch It Up

So sometimes I love a dress but not always on that particular person. Here is who I would like to see swap dresses.

Why the switch? Well we always see Salma Hayek’s boobs. It’s almost boring at this point, even though they are clearly fabulous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her is something light and frothy like this white feathery gown.I think the white would be great and it’s okay if it’s not skin tight because we all know she has a fabulous figure. Michelle won last night and I just would have liked to see her in something that said winner and made a bit more of a statement. This color and sparkle fringe would have gone very nicely with her gold statue, and the keyhole would be so filled out like a baby’s bottom.

I did read that Hong Chau asked to add the mandarin style collar to her dress as a nod to her heritage so I don’t mean the swap to be disrespectful. I just think with her updo the color and cut of Ana’s dress would have looked amazing on her. Ana’s dress is gorgeous on it’s own but color wise I feel like the pink column would have been a nod to her Marilyn Monroe role that she was nominated for and I think that hair would have looked so good with the black fringe train.

Date Night

Well doesn’t this couple just look perfect? This is classic Hollywood glam and I love it.

What I Didn’t Like

Okay, here’s the thing, if this was the Met Gala and we were going for a more dramatic couture look than these would have been perfect. I love that Florence has cute shorts on but I can’t get on board with the hair and the haphazard feel of the all that fabric. With Allison it’s also a case of just too much fabric. I feel like they both probably inadvertently picked up a lot of random crap when the walked around last night, kinda like the hungry hippo game. Like maybe they found something fun in there at the end of the night?

These two just look so sad. Was Rooney Mara supposed to have a train on her dress and she just said Eff it and tied it into a knot to drag around? And I fear that Elizabeth Olsen may have been consulted by her famous twin sisters who are known for their love of wearing all black all the time. It feels very severe and I don’t understand what is happening with the extended overlay. I definitely would have stepped on this and fell if I wore this but that’s probably my own personal problem.

Bonus…Vanity Fair After Party

Something strange was going on at the Vanity Fair after party because a bunch of other women lost their damn minds and forgot their clothes. Why? Why is this a thing? We get it, you have a great body and clearly don’t enjoy bread but put your damn clothes on. And aren’t you cold?? The dresses just look so uncomfortable, especially the odd baseball style stitching across Emily R’s chest.

Oh wait…some women decided to wear a bra…

I mean seriously, what is happening? Erect flower nipples? Metal bras?

Or just attempt to cover the nipple and see what happens? There is no fashion happening here. Or we have the opposite where dresses developed growths and gardens. Really weird.

Perhaps most confusing is why Julia Garner has a bicycle tire around her neck or why Kate Beckinsale decided to turn aluminum foil into a cape.

Thank goodness for a few redeeming looks…

And that corset trend was still running strong…

I have no idea if these two are dating or just BFFs like they claim but damn they looked great together at the afterparty. Long live Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard! And Elvis aka Austin Butler and Kaia Gerber are just too beautiful, like it almost hurts my eyes because they are both so attractive.

So let me know your feedback! Did you watch the whole show? I only made it about halfway. I did love Lady Gaga’s stripped down performance because it was all about that killer voice and I loved how she took off the makeup and the gown and went for an equally stripped down appearance. I think Jimmy Kimmel was a good host who played it pretty safe and kept things moving. And there were some great acceptance speeches, who knew the kid from The Goonies and Indiana Jones would be an Oscar Winner? One thing I’m going to try very hard to forget is those “hotdog” fingers David Byrne was wearing during his performance. Truly the stuff of nightmares that I wish I could unsee. Thanks for reading and hopefully these hands won’t haunt you too.