The “Beige” Carpet Rundown

Last night was the 95th annual Academy Awards Show. As always I watched all the arrivals and took lots of notes so keep reading for my recap! Side note…Lord how I miss Joan Rivers. She had the best interviews, she made it fun and I loved her reviews. Most of the interviews last night on the red carpet were awkward and uncomfortable (Hello, Hugh Grant…you are an actor! Can’t you fake it? Look it up if you missed it). No one did it like Joan and no one ever will.

First off, lets discuss the elephant on the carpet. Someone went and bleached the red carpet and I am not a fan. You can call it a “champagne” color carpet all you want but it looks blah and beige. And if what I am reading is correct, this was a surprise change that was only announced the day before. Why is the color such a big deal? Well for me first it’s about tradition. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Secondly it’s iconic to walk THE RED CARPET, it’s not iconic to walk a cream/ivory/beige whatever carpet. In the words of Mean Girl’s Regina George, “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen, it’s not going to happen.” Third, the person who chose this color change clearly did not consult any of the stylists because no stylist would have their client match the red carpet. It’s always been a bit of a risk in years past to put a celeb in a red dress on a red carpet because it can clash or blend in. This year white was THE COLOR of the runway on the carpet and it just felt so blah and bland to see these stunning gowns fade into the carpet. Okay I’m stepping off my “red” soapbox now.

My Winners

Ummm hello regal Queen! This color! Angela Bassett brought went full out glamour with this Moschino confection, and it was, perfection. Her hair, her makeup and just the whole look brought the drama and ties the top spot for my fav. You may have seen or heard that Angela may or may not have thrown some shade by not looking thrilled when she lost in her category to Jamie Lee Curtis. Look, I’m not gonna lie, if I was in line to win an award like that and didn’t get I’m pretty sure I’d get caught crying on camera. Of course you are happy for the other person and blah, blah, blah but of course you want to win.

Cara ties this top spot because…I mean just look at this at Elie Saab creation. This woman is a supermodel and she knows how to walk in a dress like this. The sleek updo was the perfect compliment to the large scale bow of the dress. And omg it has pockets! I would definitely store snacks in there because it’s a long freaking show. Oh and notice all the specks of stuff all over the beige carpet? So annoying. We would not see that with the classic red.

White Out

As I was saying, white and shades of white (yes there are shades) dominated what I will just now refer to as THE CARPET. This is not always an easy color to pull off and the fit and fabric has to be absolutely perfect because it lays everything so bare. Both of these looks were absolutely flawless and I love the return of a big chandelier earring. Fun fact…Mindy Kaling’s dress was by Vera Wang and she also had the dress made in black, which she wore when she was a presenter last night.

Then we had whipped cream white. I’m on the fence on this one because it comes off feeling very bridal. And what about the unfortunate attendee who got to go the Oscars but couldn’t see anything because they were seated behind a white cloud? That doesn’t seem very fair.

White diamonds and mirrored beading was also seen, as is the ubiquitous sternum cleavage we have gotten so used to seeing. In the case of the two women above I have to go with Ariana over Eva because the dress is a better fit. I love Eva’s dress but I just feel like there is too much of it at the bottom and on the sides, Maybe they can take some off and stick it into the deep v neck.

Shades of Champagne

Jamie Lee Curtis literally matched the exact shade of the carpet but the sparkle in the dress still allowed her to stand out. This is a woman who has been doing this a long time and she knows what looks good on her. Even though she is completely covered from neck to ankles to wrists, that corset boning keeps it sexy and current. I love the small detail of the ruching drape to allow for a great fit through the midsection.

Blush

Of course we will always see some lace but both these looks fell a little flat for me and I think it is the color. I do love the pockets on the blush pink but I’m not loving the undone slip look on Zoe. I actually think both these dresses would pack more punch in black or midnight navy.

The Dark Side

There really wasn’t a ton of black dresses last night, which I found really surprising. I loved Julia’s dress but I would have taken the hem up just a couple inches to enhance the column effect. Jennifer dress reminded me of a Top Gun battleship landing strip and I didn’t like it. Andie MacDowell and her genetically blessed daughter both showed how a simple black dress can be drop dead amazing.

Bold Colors

Only Cate Blanchett could wear these two shades of blue in this liquid satin drape and make it look so elegant. You need her height and her figure and her experience to wear a dress this well. The other two were not my favs as I felt like the dresses overwhelmed each of the women.

I don’t know if anyone is going to agree with me but I actually really liked this color choice on Sandra Oh. It had an effortless boho kind of feel and I’m obsessing over the vintage Harry Winston statement necklace. I would have preferred a more polished updo just to clean it up a bit. I also loved the draping and this shade of blue on Katie Lowes. The gown looks luxe and beautiful.

The color combination of this dress was so unusual but I think it worked, especially on a beige carpet. The velvet bow a the waist is an exquisite detail. Actress Monica Barbaro said she specifically chose a dress from Elie Saab because they were one of the only fashion houses who would dress her when she was first starting out on the Hollywood scene. I love that she is showing the her loyalty right back to them.

Also Trending…

Platform heels are staging a comeback. Platform heels, aka stripper shoes, are created, believe it or not, for comfort and stability, and they aren’t just for ladies dancing in the dark. While these were seen everywhere when YSL came out with their Tribute heels in the early 2000’s they quickly saturated the market and then the trend was over. I think they are making a comeback because I don’t know anyone who can comfortably walk or stand in a stiletto heel after being in full on sneaker mode for the last couple years. I personally love a platform heel even though I’m more likely to hide mine under a flared pant or maxi dress.

Legs were a big accessory as well. Yes, I realize most people have 2 of them, but last night showed how many dresses were made to show off the stems and a great ankle strap shoe. These ladies worked a slit harder than Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at last year’s ceremony (sorry, I had to go there). Also note trending above is the oversize rosettes on both Nicole and Halle’s dresses. I liked both of their dresses and loved how Halle’s hair complimented the wave of the rosettes.

Statement necklaces were also big last night, as seen above, with not one but 2 snakes! I hate snakes but I did like these necklaces. It gave me a throwback feel to when necklaces were big and bold on the carpet (think Cameron Diaz in chunky turquoise).

Corset boning was also trending which looked great but I’m sure was pretty uncomfortable. Lady Gaga also sported some sheer backside cleavage with I hope does not turn into a trend.

Metallic Shine

I liked all of these looks above but Jessica Chastain nailed it for me with that unexpected velvet train and what could be one of the best heads of hair in the business. Ava’s sparkle train was stunning too. I love Kate Hudson’s but did not like the sleeves, it would have been so much sleeker if we could cut those off. If I had her arms I would not be covering them up.

Nobel Peace Prize laureate Malala Yousafzai absolutely stunned in these Ralph Lauren gown. The red lip seals the deal for this sparkling stunner.

Switch It Up

So sometimes I love a dress but not always on that particular person. Here is who I would like to see swap dresses.

Why the switch? Well we always see Salma Hayek’s boobs. It’s almost boring at this point, even though they are clearly fabulous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her is something light and frothy like this white feathery gown.I think the white would be great and it’s okay if it’s not skin tight because we all know she has a fabulous figure. Michelle won last night and I just would have liked to see her in something that said winner and made a bit more of a statement. This color and sparkle fringe would have gone very nicely with her gold statue, and the keyhole would be so filled out like a baby’s bottom.

I did read that Hong Chau asked to add the mandarin style collar to her dress as a nod to her heritage so I don’t mean the swap to be disrespectful. I just think with her updo the color and cut of Ana’s dress would have looked amazing on her. Ana’s dress is gorgeous on it’s own but color wise I feel like the pink column would have been a nod to her Marilyn Monroe role that she was nominated for and I think that hair would have looked so good with the black fringe train.

Date Night

Well doesn’t this couple just look perfect? This is classic Hollywood glam and I love it.

What I Didn’t Like

Okay, here’s the thing, if this was the Met Gala and we were going for a more dramatic couture look than these would have been perfect. I love that Florence has cute shorts on but I can’t get on board with the hair and the haphazard feel of the all that fabric. With Allison it’s also a case of just too much fabric. I feel like they both probably inadvertently picked up a lot of random crap when the walked around last night, kinda like the hungry hippo game. Like maybe they found something fun in there at the end of the night?

These two just look so sad. Was Rooney Mara supposed to have a train on her dress and she just said Eff it and tied it into a knot to drag around? And I fear that Elizabeth Olsen may have been consulted by her famous twin sisters who are known for their love of wearing all black all the time. It feels very severe and I don’t understand what is happening with the extended overlay. I definitely would have stepped on this and fell if I wore this but that’s probably my own personal problem.

Bonus…Vanity Fair After Party

Something strange was going on at the Vanity Fair after party because a bunch of other women lost their damn minds and forgot their clothes. Why? Why is this a thing? We get it, you have a great body and clearly don’t enjoy bread but put your damn clothes on. And aren’t you cold?? The dresses just look so uncomfortable, especially the odd baseball style stitching across Emily R’s chest.

Oh wait…some women decided to wear a bra…

I mean seriously, what is happening? Erect flower nipples? Metal bras?

Or just attempt to cover the nipple and see what happens? There is no fashion happening here. Or we have the opposite where dresses developed growths and gardens. Really weird.

Perhaps most confusing is why Julia Garner has a bicycle tire around her neck or why Kate Beckinsale decided to turn aluminum foil into a cape.

Thank goodness for a few redeeming looks…

And that corset trend was still running strong…

I have no idea if these two are dating or just BFFs like they claim but damn they looked great together at the afterparty. Long live Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard! And Elvis aka Austin Butler and Kaia Gerber are just too beautiful, like it almost hurts my eyes because they are both so attractive.

So let me know your feedback! Did you watch the whole show? I only made it about halfway. I did love Lady Gaga’s stripped down performance because it was all about that killer voice and I loved how she took off the makeup and the gown and went for an equally stripped down appearance. I think Jimmy Kimmel was a good host who played it pretty safe and kept things moving. And there were some great acceptance speeches, who knew the kid from The Goonies and Indiana Jones would be an Oscar Winner? One thing I’m going to try very hard to forget is those “hotdog” fingers David Byrne was wearing during his performance. Truly the stuff of nightmares that I wish I could unsee. Thanks for reading and hopefully these hands won’t haunt you too.

Golden Globes Red Carpet Confusion

I come at this Red Carpet Review with an eyes half shut view. The Hollywood Foreign Press took an unprecedented year off of anointing awards not just because of Covid but because of a much bigger issuer of diversity and inclusion. So this year was to be an open reception of race, gender, and identity inclusion. I expected the red carpet to explode with expression and color and instead, in my opinion, it imploded with darkness and boredom.

Maybe everyone was being cautious and afraid to go over the top and celebrate. But personally I was bored and found most of it dark and depressing. Here is my breakdown and what I would change up if I could.

My favorite looks.

There is color, there is style, there is fit. There is a cohesive thought between the hair and the makeup. The accessories perfectly compliment the whole look. Note the stunning green clutch and the subtle jewelry. These looks made me look twice and I love that no one looks overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

For me, it’s not a true red carpet if we don’t see some shine. Thankfully some of these OG women understood the assignment and they brought out the sparkle and sequins and stepped up the attitude. These women are veterans and they played it classic and chic. Oh and Hi Angela Bassett, can I have your arms??

Best Dressed Couple

Eddie Murphy is not aging. I don’t know what he is doing but he does not look 61. These two are a red carpet home run. They look great together and it’s very classic Hollywood. Love it.

Not A Fan

Usually you can’t go wrong with a black dress but these looks all felt very heavy and very somber. Maybe because it’s the middle of winter and everyone looks like they have been hiding indoors.

I like both of these women so much but I don’t love the extra fabric that they are dragging around like Linus and his blankie. I would be so worried about someone tripping over it, and I would hate to drag all of that into the ladies room and then wonder what else I drug out with me. I think both of these dresses would be perfect on their own and without the added poofy trains.

Early 90s prom dresses were as big as we tried to get our hair. I was there and I remember the end of the 80s spilling over to big dresses with awkward proportions. These both flashed me back there and not in a good way. Even the color way felt very late 80s. It gave me Adam Sandler’s The Wedding Singer feels.

I know showing off midriff is a thing but these dresses just feel like they were on Project Runway and Tim Gunn yelled “Times Up” and they couldn’t finish the fabric. Although there was plenty of extra fabric at the bottom. I’m super confused by the color choice on the left and the whole thing feels like it was inspired by The Grim Reaper.

Let’s Switch It Up

Now time for my favorite game where I like to play stylist and switch up these looks. Some of these aren’t terrible to start but I think they could be benefit from a change up.

I almost feel bad switching it up because the actress on the left looks pretty much perfect. But I need to steal her dress to put it on Julia so I will have to put her into this pink frothy Chanel creation which I think she can carry off. Please excuse the bobble head images and my poor editing skills. I just think a more streamlined silhouette is more flattering on Julia. Or maybe I just can’t stop seeing her as Ruth from Ozark and Ruth would never wear pink ruffles.

Switch Number Two

Both of these dresses are really beautiful. There is exquisite detail and design but I just think if we did a swap the subtle difference in shades would pop more.

I also love the way the longer hair with the soft ways softens up the grid pattern of the dress, while Jessica’s pulled back style feels less severe when it is paired with a gentle cascade of ruffles.

For me, hair color and style is just as much as part of the outfit as the dress itself. The red dress is stunning on the actress on the left, but once again I’d like to steal it for Ana. And I think Ana’s dress would look great with darker hair and a red lip.

There’s No Real Fix Here.

I honestly don’t like either of the dresses below. I feel like they remind me of wedding cakes. But, I still think they can benefit from a switch, and again it comes down to coloring, or frosting flavors. One is buttercream and the other is classic vanilla.

It’s A Nice Day For A Goth Wedding

I feel like Marilyn Manson would want his bride to wear one of these dresses. And why oh why did they add plastic black chokers to this look? The whole thing looks itchy. And the dress on the right reminds of that episode of Friends where Rachel attempt to make the English Trifle but ends up blending two recipes when the pages of the cookbook get stuck together. Here English Trifle and Shepherd’s pie creation is a disaster. I Theis dress on the right started out with one look and then merged into a heavy black tulle abyss. I don’t want these two to switch dresses. I just want them to throw them away.

Oh, and Ana Taylor-Joy? Blink twice if you need help. I just watched The Menu and maybe you are trying to tell us that your stylist is holding you captive. The hair is severe and the so is the dress, she looks like she is stuck and cold. I just want to give her a blanket. Maybe she can borrow Niecy Nash’s cape thing?

Disclaimer.

If you have ever read any of my red carpet reviews before than you already know this disclaimer… I do not judge any of these women on their craft of acting and I think it’s completely unfair that they contractually have to walk these red carpets as part of their press junkets to promote their movie, tv show, or any other artistic endeavor. An actor’s ability to portray a role with passion and authenticity should in no way be tied to any sort of a fashionista status. Hiring a personal stylist can make this process much easier. An experienced stylist isn’t supposed to just throw a designer outfit onto their clients’ bodies, it is to be an interpreter of sorts who will translate high fashion into a wearable art/language for their client. These are not and should not be makeover events. This is a highly sensitive position of understanding their client, their client’s position, and their intended message in the media in terms of their current project that they are responsible for representing. I’m not talking about what a lead actress wears outside to get her trash cans, or walk her dogs, I’m talking about when an actress has to ride a fine line between acting their part of a character they are being paid to portray and matching it to public perception of how the general population prefers to “see” this actress/character versus the living, breathing, human being who is wearing a costume/uniform as part of their job. I would likely bet that half of these women don’t even like to shop and dread having to walk the red carpet. A huge majority of my clients hire me because shopping is not something they enjoy and they don’t want to spend time on doing something they don’t like. I am very lucky that I get to have a job where I encourage women to wear what they want wherever they want. There will always be opinions of style and fashion but truly the only one that matters is your own.

Thanks for reading!

Suzie

Red Carpet Rundown – The Emmys 2022

It was the best of the carpet and it was the worst of the carpet. But the best for me were few and far between and there were no wows that made me gasp, but there were plenty of gasps of horror. Ill fitting, strange cutouts and a plethora of tulle. And, if I may make a general observation, were a large group of hair stylists on strike? Where was the shine, the bounce, the curls? I saw lots of severe middle parts, slicked backed wet looking updos and many who looked like their electricity went out and they had to air dry their hair. Read on for my review and then let me know what you loved and who you wish would fire their stylist.

Full disclosure…my red carpet reviews are done for fun and entertainment. As a personal stylist I believe that style and fashion are personal. To me, the best dressed person in any room is always the one who is the happiest in what they are wearing. I don’t envy any of these women having to find a dress and walk the gauntlet while having their photo taken. It takes me 27 tries just to get a selfie I like. So these are just my humble opinions. And the best part about an opinion is there is no right and no wrong. Fashion is a form of art and is subjective, like it has been said many times beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Tu-Tu Much

It’s like a fluffy macaroon came to life and decided to be a dress. I don’t think any of these shades, or shapes are that flattering. The one on the left particular brings back vibes from the SNL Lawrence Welk Show skits, minus the tiny hands. If I had Hannah Waddingham’s (from Ted Lasso) killer collarbones and arms I would have thrown on a strapless black column gown and called it a day. She’s just so gorgeous as is so I’d keep it simple. Please excuse my rudimentary cut and paste but you get the idea.

But there was one person who totally nailed the tulle overload and that was Lizzo. Lizzo shows up, every damn time, and makes it known that she is here. This confection works on her – she can carry it because she is a performer and it perfectly matched her Emmy award. Plus a key to making this style work on her is the length – keeping it short and showing off her legs prevents her from drowning in the dress. The train comes around almost a fan club of tulle following her. And her updo is adorable and also signed a non-compete clause with the dress.

Swiss Cheese

I get that cutouts have been a thing but these “holes” look out of place. Like the designers were on Project Runway and were given not quite enough fabric but Tim Gunn told them to “make it work.” In my opinion none of these work. But given Julia Garner’s exquisite work on Ozark I would be terrified to tell her that to her beautiful face. Maybe the diamond cutout was a nod to the riverboat casino from Ozark, so she kind of looks like a playing card? I can just imagine someone trying to put her character Ruth in this dress and Ruth would be all like “ I don’t know sh*t about f**ck, but I know this dress is f**cking ugly!” If you know Ozark you know, if no t please excuse my/Ruth’s language.

There were some less awkward cutouts, in the design of the keyhole cutout. While this trend pops up every few years it can be tricky when it comes to cleavage. Some want to show it off and some want to show off their sternum. I think it totally depends on the person who is wearing the dress to see which way works. We usually don’t think of Amy Poehler showing off the girls so I’m kinda on the fence here. However, if it had been done in a softer, lighter color, I think it would have worked better. See my not so suave swap below. I also just think the color swap works better on both ladies with their skin and hair.

Mad Max, clothing designer.

I don’t get these. They are very Met Gala couture and not user friendly. I kind of feel like the black dress is staring at me and that the zipper is mouth. I’m kinda afraid of it. Come to think of it, the “eyes” are making me thinking of the Marty cleanup robot from the Giant grocery stores, and he makes me angry.

The gold blob monster clearly looks like it is slowly killing Sarah Niles from Ted Lasso which is a shame because I really like her character. It also kinda reminds me of those dolls we had when we little that you literally snapped the dress onto. Again, no winner here and no swap can fix these.

Choo-Choo Trains

These trains should have been derailed. Just imagine cutting them off of these dresses and they would look so much better. Although I still can’t get behind Kerry Washington’s black sheer hose.

Kinda like a train these capes were equally confusing and felt unnecessary to the dress. I was so nervous someone would step on them and accidentally choke these lovely women. And again, with the hair that looks like their hair stylist called out sick on Connie Britton, and she has great hair – like really, really good hair. Like the kind of hair you save pictures of and show your hair stylist.

Heavy Metals and Light Nudes

Sorry, that sounds like a description for an awful porno movie. But there were shades of bronze, gunmetal and beige that showed up and to me they all kinda worked but not really. Like if it was a pass/fail grade they passed, but there were some tailoring issues that bugged me.

Christina Ricci wins this face off because hair and makeup are perfectly in sync with the vibe of the dress. I just wish it fit a little bit better without the side boob, and I do have some questions about the matching clutch. Lily James decided to “center part it and forget it” when it came to her hair and I just feel the proportions of this dress are way off, making her bottom half look so much larger than her top half.

So when I say nude I wasn’t kidding. These dresses leave very little to the imagination – I see you boy short undies! But the bra was clearly (literally clearly) left behind. Maybe I’m being too modest but in this case I actually think the sheer view up top takes away from the design of these delicate dresses.

Swoop there it is!

I love a good drape…of fabric. With the right fabric it can do so much on a figure and yet stay so simple. It has an effortless type of look even though there is total precision to the placement of fabric. There was a lot of this dramatic type of swoop draping going on last night and I was totally here for it. These drapings below were all done right because the fabric was kept simple and they kept the focus on the actress wearing the gown. The only suggestion I would have made as a stylist was to shorten the sleeves for both Molly Shannon and Jean Smart. I think showing a twinge of wrist bone would have opened up their arms and the overall look just a bit. Overall I’d say this is close to a 3 way tie, especially because these tv veterans all clearly had their hair and makeup people on lockdown.

Close Encounters

I love both of these dresses, but, I think a swap would look better. And Reese’s hair feels a bit too severe with the darker eye makeup and the dark dress. I think it’s been a while since we have seen Reese in red but I would have loved to see her rock this one shoulder number with her hair worn a little loose and wavy. And don’t get me wrong, Kaitlyn Dever and her figure are wearing the hell out this red gown, but color wise I would have loved to see these navy sparkly number paired back to her elegant auburn updo. And my apologies for the photo editing making them look like the Bratz bobblehead dolls.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Now my personal awards for best dressed.

Mariska Hargitay…I’ll have what she’s having. Hair, makeup, jewels and take a peek at those ankle wrap stilettos. She looks amazing without over serving all her bits and pieces. Also notice the subtle draping over her lower hips and up to her waistline, flattering her figure. It’s really, really, good.

Amanda Seyfried was able to pull off this slicked back part because she is a blonde and it softens it. Her makeup echos the purple and pink of her dress and warms up what could have been a tough color to pull off. Her designer clearly got the group discount on tulle but used it so sparingly in a soft pink that you have to look twice to see it.

And then there is Zendaya. I have to include two photos of her so this gracious gown can fully be appreciated. I am a total sucker for classic, old-school Hollywood glamour, and this dress from none other than Valentino had me hook, line, and sinker. Zendaya and her stylist Law Roach have been around the block and they clearly understand the assignment. Zendaya was just 14 years old when she starred in Disney’s Shake It Up. Since then she is moved into deeper, grittier more adult roles. She is now 26 years old and while she could have pretty much worn anything and looked great, the fact that she chose this mature design shows that she is here to play and here to win, which she did last night. Jewelry? It’s a choker done right, which is not easy to do. And that hair? Amazing. Makeup? So bare and yet so done. Oh and the dress has pockets!!! I’d be running around all night, sticking my hands in and out of the dress and shouting “look! It has pockets!” And that, my friends, is just one of many reasons why Zendaya is there wearing that dress and not me.

Your Stylist Doesn’t Like You

And last but not least let say a moment of silence for these dresses that should be burned. I don’t even know where to start.

Kaley Cuoco is such a cutie, so why would she have her hair do that to her face? The severe abuse of pink tulle has me wondering if this was a full length gown and then the stylist grabbed the scissors . The flowers seem to be doing their best impression of the Monkeypox virus. Just no.

Sarah Paulson. What…is…happening? There’s an electric fence dog collar, a top stolen from the Star Trek archives, and a skirt that resembles the underside of a portabella mushroom. I would know, given that Kennett Square, where I live, is the Mushroom Capital of the World. Facts. The belt was not necessary, none of it was. I feel like if she starts to speak she may say “take me to your leader.” Maybe someone should check on Sarah and make sure she wasn’t, in fact, inhabited by an alien. This gown is custom Louis Vuitton and I think Sarah should trade it in for a few handbags.

So that’s a wrap! Congratulations to all the nominees and the winners. And in the famous words of Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights…”If you ain’t first you last.” Kidding! Thanks again for reading!

Suzie

Running a Marathon While Holding Your Breath

I have exactly 22 minutes left in season 5 of stranger things. I have 13 pages left in The Hotel Nantucket . I’m not ready to finish them. Not yet. If I finish I am faced with a sense of loss. If I finish them I then have to focus on other things, things that I might not really want to think about.

A lovely friend, teacher, and fellow hockey mom told me that in her mind August feels like a month of Sundays (Thanks Amy T.). I totally get it. In August it’s so hot, things are slower, but yet there is this sense of impending chaos, a.k.a. September. School supplies have been on display in the stores for a couple of weeks now. I am already seeing the faux hand-painted “It’s Fall Y’all” signs on display at TJ Maxx and Target. While I am sick of the oppressive heat I also want to take one of those grinning obnoxious pumpkins and hurl it at Father Time. Please slow down. Please.

May and June were absolutely crazy. Our daughter graduated from high school and we had parties to go, lots and lots of parties. And a party to host. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful that our daughter and my super awkward self had so many friends and family to celebrate with. But, from the standpoint of a true introvert, it was exhausting. My social cues completely failed me. There were times when someone would say something very simple like “Hi, How are you?”, and I would respond with a string of words like “Covid stinks, college is expensive, I’m hot, I need more wine and do you think mermaids are real?” Okay, maybe not that last sentence, but maybe I did say that after a glass of wine and running out of how to articulate adult small talk. In my mind everyone else looks and acts polished, elegant and like functioning adults. I’m in the corner sitting on the floor petting their dog. I felt exhausted. For an introvert it truly felt like running a marathon while holding your breathe. I seriously couldn’t figure out how to exhale and relax into the moment.

I don’t know if there could be a “What To Expect When You Are Expecting” College age edition. My friend Jenny mentioned to me how there was nothing mentioned when you read all those baby books about how to handle your heart breaking off in a piece and living somewhere else without you. The ironic part is that means we did a good job. People always say our job is to teach them to leave the nest and fly, that going away for college is a rite of passage and we should be so proud and so excited for them. Yes, of course I am proud of our daughter. I am excited for her. But my selfish inner child is sad and resisting change. I’ve burst into tears more times than I care to admit at the strangest of places (yes, the grocery store). Change can knock you over like a heavy wave in the ocean. You are left a little off balance and questioning whether to head back to the beach or stand tall and keep going.

In the midst of all this change almost every woman I know, both clients and friends, is having a wardrobe identity crisis. Covid and quarantine changed us, permanently. We can’t go back to the way things were before, not totally. We feel different. Our jobs and lifestyles are different. Self-care during the crazy time of Covid meant comfort. Comfort food, comfort movies, comfort clothes. It reminds me of how after you have a baby you are so sick of your maternity clothes but sadly, what no one tells you in the What to Expect book, is that you don’t get to go home and put on your newlywed party pants. Nope, you still need your maternity clothes for a little while, because, even though you birthed a tiny human, your stomach still looks and feels like a leftover ballon 3 days after a birthday party. Oh and everything still hurts, there are still cramps and bloating and no amount of Spanx is going to feel good after you’ve already been uncomfortable for 9 months.

So, much like us having to wean off, (pun intended), maternity clothing, we have been trying to wean off Covid clothing, and it ain’t easy. I tried to wear heels to a girls night out and my feet literally cried out loud in protest. They have seen and felt the joys of comfort and cool sneakers and they won’t be seduced by just any stiletto. So we are stuck. Stuck staring at a closet with pencil skirts, high heels, jeans that are too tight, and formal wear that feels way too fussy. And yet, at the same time, they are mixed messages all over social media from influencers and fashionistas showing us how we should be wearing 4 inch heels in Tuscany with an oversize straw hat and a $500 sundress, while carrying a handmade yet designer straw bag filled with fresh picked lavender. Yeah, that’s a no go because it’s beautiful but it’s not reality.

Travel was back in a big way this year and I helped clients plan their outfits and get packed up to places like Miami, Iceland and Ireland and tons of other locations. Some trips were for business and some were for fun. Everyone I worked with was overwhelmed and a bit lost. Instagram and Facebook make everything look so picture perfect but the reality of real life is very different. Sneakers and comfortable sandals were the starting point for building most of my clients outfits because, much like postpartum wear, we are in no mood to be uncomfortable. Emotionally we are all still a bit fragile and yes, self-care still means that comfort rules out over looking like a runway model. We aren’t yet ready to sacrifice how something feels versus how it looks, and I don’t know if we every will nor should we be.

I have also been re-examining my wardrobe and my own style. It’s changing. It’s more casual. I’m getting used to the idea of being okay with that. For so long I thought I had to look a certain way to justify my job title. As I have grown older I know that what I am wearing is not indicative of how I can help my client. The biggest way I can help my client is to be authentic. Only when I am truly authentic can I convince them that whatever truly makes them happy will be the outfit that looks best on them. Confidence and comfort have always been that x-factor that some women have when they walk in a room. These are the women that we always say things about like “Oh she can wear anything and look good. She just has natural effortless style.” Take a closer look. More often than not it’s not really about her clothes. We could put on the exact same outfit that woman is wearing and it will not have the same effect. It comes down to feeling good about yourself, and that’s not always easy. Recently I was shopping with my daughter at Aerie for her to get some clothing to go back to school. I ended up buying flared leggings for myself because they looked so soft and comfy. I was also terrified someone would card me and kick me out of the store for being too old. Seriously, at what point or age do we become too worried that we are “too old” for a store? Gap Kids, yes. Aerie, no, trust me, it’s okay and you are allowed and they won’t kick you out.

As I uncomfortably move through these Sundays in August I am going to try really hard to remind myself that we have to embrace the right here and right now. I have to look at my wardrobe and ask what items work for me RIGHT NOW? What items fit me RIGHT NOW? What items feel good to put on RIGHT NOW? Although I will reluctantly read the last few pages of my book, and sadly watch the last half hour of Stranger Things, I will try really hard to open myself to what’s next. I can’t go back. I can’t reread the book for the first time. I can’t hug my daughter before she walks out the door for school every day. But I know there will be so many new books to read, new shows to watch, and new experiences to share with my kids. I recently edited out two trash bags of clothes. Pajamas that are itchy, jeans that are too small, heels that are too tall and multiple pairs of leggings that I pass over every time because they are three comfy ones that I will always grab instead. The best part is less clutter. The second best part is the unknown of new things I can buy and bring into my wardrobe that will “fit” me RIGHT NOW. And, by the way, I am wearing these leggings right now and I have to tell you they are everything I hoped they would be and more. These are leggings without that compression feeling that leaves you with indigestion after your morning Starbucks because they are bisecting your abdomen with too much tummy control. Check out the contoured waistband that moves with you instead of bisecting your lower belly. Bonus…they are 30% off right now.

Thanks for reading, and many hugs to any of you mommas getting ready to send your kiddos off to college, all of you mommas who have already sent kids off to college and beyond and given me priceless advice, and the young mommas who are just trying to keep the cheerios off the floor and get a good night’s sleep. It takes all of us chatting open and honestly with each other to grow through the changes. Cheers to new memories!

OFFLINE By Aerie Real Me High Waisted Crossover Flare Legging

May- Hem

I was on the phone with my friend Erin this morning and we were both venting about feeling very overwhelmed with all the activities scheduled in May and June. She gets all the credit for this term because she said it so simply, that May always feels like mayhem. Add in the simple, yet time consuming decision of shopping for what to wear to graduations, events, and parties, and the month of May may just put some of us over the edge. Kind of like today when I ran into this psycho stalker in the grocery store. You know how sometimes it’s not the big things that set you off, but rather the irritating little things? One day I am going to drop kick this roving robot.

Not today, Marty, not in the mood.

May used to mean Spring flowers, time for fresh new beginnings, and a clean house with open widows. Now it means pollen and procrastination. Everyone is sneezing from allergies (…or is it Covid?) and walking around in a Clariton fog. Mother Nature is being stubborn and keeps going back to her abusive ex-boyfriend wind and rain, so everytime we put our sweaters away she says, “Wait a minute…not so fast.” And even though my to-do list is a mile long I still find myself wasting time by reading up on the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. I don’t really care about them but sometimes getting sucked into someone’s else’s stuff is a mind numbing distraction from all the stuff I need to do. It’s all there right in front of me and yet I just keep stumbling when I start.

Time is almost up for those of us with seniors in high school and I am filled with conflicted emotions. On one hand it is definitely time, the signs are all there that our kids are ready to go and that’s a good thing. On the other hand the next thing you know I find myself sniffing the Dreft laundry detergent in the grocery store and crying over the memories of freshly washed onesies.

Lots of Dreft was being used in those days.

There almost isn’t enough time to be sad because May feels so busy. There is prom and graduation parties to be planned and none of that comes easily or inexpensively. Go ahead and guess what it costs for a girl to get not just one prom dress, but a graduation dress, a graduation party dress, a senior dinner dance dress and dresses to wear to all the parties they are going to. Don’t forget to add in hair, makeup, nails and probably tanning. And do you know how hard it is to find oversized balloon numbers that say 2022 that are in stock to and ready to ship? They should open grad themed stores just like they do around Halloween. You know all those Halloween Adventure Stores that randomly pop up and then just as quickly disappear? Yeah, we need those.

So if you are like me and your brain is starting to hurt I thought it may help if I threw together a few ideas for graduation dresses for us, the moms. And the aunts, the grandmoms, the sisters, the cousins, etc. Basically if you are a girl and you need a dress I found something for almost everyone in range of styles and colors. All Remember, you will probably be having your picture taken more than you are used to, most likely in front of some detailed photo banner wall backdrop that one of those super crafty moms saw on Pinterest and rebuilt out of reclaimed wood. When getting your photo taken remember that bright colors look good and make us look less pasty, but by all means if black is your feel slim, trim power color than definitely wear it! When wearing prints, they tend to show up on photos better when they are bigger and bolder, too small and they can look blurry in a photo. And yes florals are big this year, and keep in mind they hide a multitude of sins, including Covid wine bellies (Hi, that’s me), and anything you may drop onto your lap, or sit in, while you attend your 3rd picnic of the day.

I’ve combed thr

Click HERE to shop all my dress picks.

Click HERE to shop all my dress picks.

Also important is I added a section where you can shop wraps, jackets and cardigans. Depending when and where your ceremony is it could be 90 degrees and then 45 and raining, all in the course of 2 hours. It’s good to have something reliable to throw on or leave in your car as your party hop. And don’t listen to trends or in or out, a classic denim jacket ALWAYS works as does a pashmina/wrap. Classic wraps can be found in any color and can be overnighted from Amazon. You can also choose a printed one to throw over a solid dress for an easy way to step up something that may feel like it needs a little something extra. I first saw this scarf below in a client’s closet and and it literally went with like 10 things she owned. It’s available from No. 109 shop in Kennett Square. And yes, they ship to you if you aren’t local.

Click HERE to shop all my jacket and wrap picks.

Speaking of hopping your feet are going to hurt. You will be doing a lot of walking and a lot of standing, and some of it may be on grass. So skip the stilettos and opt for a wedge, block heel, or a flat sandal to avoid aerating your neighbor’s lawn. You can go basic with a beige color sandal that will pretty much match anything all summer, or you can make a statement with a bright accent color as seen below.

Click HERE to shop all my picks for shoes.

Oh and don’t forget the waterproof mascara. Whether they are over watching your baby get that diploma, or when you look at your bank account after that first college tuition payment, you will probably be shedding some tears. And if you are standing near me at a party and you smell the faint scent of baby Dreft detergent well know you’ll know why, I probably caved and bought it for myself and my memories. And if I am sniffing and sneezing I swear it’s just allergies. I also feel compelled to shout that out loud any time I am in public and I sneeze. No one asks but they all stare so I awkwardly announce it – anyone else do this???

So grab a cocktail or a cup of coffee and your credit card. Shop all my recommendations here and then you know there is 1 less thing you can cross off your list! Happy Spring and Thanks for reading!

Suzie

Red Carpet Review

It has been an eternity since I had the opportunity to give you a recap and personal review of The Red Carpet. If you haven’t read one of my posts before please keep in mind that this is just a fun review and not meant to upset anyone or induce anyone getting up from their seats and getting upset (I’m talking about you Will Smith and unfortunately everyone is talking about you today). I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion about fashion and there is no right or wrong, this is just my opinion. I think everyone who steps foot onto that carpet is brave just for showing up. If that was me I think I’d try a dig a hole and crawl through it if I had view all the styles and looks. I view fashion as a work of art and a form of expression. It can be a bit of escapist fantasy to enjoy seeing beautifully made gowns in an industry that has certainly seen it’s share of struggles lately. So that being said I’ll review some of the trends that were on the carpet, as well as some of my favorite looks and some of the looks that maybe should have been left alone.

Red on the Red Carpet

So much red last night! In ruffles, and gowns and even on a tux. Red is a standout color and says “Look at me!!” It’s bold and self-assured and best worn with a ton of confidence. Normally I’m a huge fan of Tracee Ellis Ross but last night I was so nervous for her nipples. Everything up top was so close to falling out and it just felt a bit too much like they ran out of fabric. It’s a shame because I love the length of the dress and adored her red stiletto heels.

In my mind I just kept thinking how great it could be if it was a classic strapless instead of those wide set minnie mouse ears. See my hack job of an altered photo below.

Rosie Perez looked old Hollywood glam with that deep side part with the wave and the classic red lip. She is a petite powerhouse and this gown fit her well. Her curves were on display but I felt confident they were being carried securely. My only stress was the fear that someone was going to step on that very long train and strangle her. I think the dress would have been just as lovely without it.

Then we have the classic beauty, Jennifer Garner. This was of course gorgeous but there is a part of me that would love to see her experiment with just a bit more of an edgier style. She wasn’t nominated and was there as a presenter so I get her going the safe route but I’m just dying to see her try something a bit unexpected and have fun with it.

When I first saw Ariana DeBose’s 3 piece look I wasn’t quite sure. It had such similar lines to the dress that I wondered if it was from the design house. (It wasn’t though, Tracee’s was from Carolina Herrera and Ariana’s is from Valentino) But as I kept seeing her I started to love the look more and more. It seemed to fit her personality and when she was presented with a rice krispie treat during an interview she showed us how it would fit into her pocket. Then I was sold. Snack pockets in her pants? That’s a win. Seriously though her hair and makeup and simple diamond necklace all came together perfectly and the real lock for me on this look was the dramatic cape that she still had fun with. The cape elevated the whole look for me from a night out look to award winner look.

Pretty In Pink

While red is loud and bold the popular shade of pink on last night’s carpet was a pale light shade of pink. It reads as soft and romantic and is subtle. Keeping it simple and classic last night was the always stylish Zoe Kravitz. I mean, it’s physically impossible not to exude constant cool girl vibes when your mom is Lisa Bonet and your dad is Lenny Kravitz. Since Zoe already has that edge I love that she went so soft with this column dress with the bow. She has Audrey Hepburn vibes on full flow, even down to the short bangs and updo and I think it works on her. Just wish I found a picture where she looked a little more happy.

Also in pink was this lacey number on Lily James. This dress is classic Versace in every way – the slit, the fit (like a glove), and the bra cut of the top. It veers dangerously close to feeling a bit like bridal night lingerie but the platform heels remind us she is in a gown.

And not to spoil the surprise but here is my favorite look of the night. Mila Kunis in Zuhair Murad was perfection. Her eye makeup was stunning, her hair was perfect and this dress fit her so well. It was the first time for me that she looked like a mature movie star versus her usual laid back guy’s girl kinda vibe, which, to be clear, also works on her. But it was fun to see her glam it up with a bit of Catherine Zeta Jones feel. I think this shade complimented her perfectly and the whole look was grown up glamourous.

Back in Black

We can always expect to see black gowns on the red carpet. They feel sexy, chic and sultry and are usually a safe bet. It’s also an easy way to go more bold with design since the classic of black can keep a look more grounded. Rita Moreno is 90 years old and she outworked women in the 20s last night. That sculptural shoulder ruffle was a statement and so was her feather hat. She looked like she was having fun and her dress reflected that. Oh and take note of the shoes, she is wear flats! Turns out you don’t have to sprain an ankle to walk the red carpet.

Maddie Ziegler went big for her strapless black dress and I think it worked pretty well but I would have liked to see it without all that extra fluff. She’s young, she’s only 19, so I think I would have preferred a slightly more sleek version of this dress or even something a little shorter. And maybe her hair down, or, if she was going to wear it up, make it more modern by doing something more sleek instead of the wispies down the side and from the back which just felt a little sloppy. Maybe I’m just jealous thinking of all the fun things I could wear if I was 19! But I did love the jewelry and thought it was a good changeup from the traditional bright diamonds.

Vanessa Hudgens wore her black dress with one of the trends that we are continuing to see from this past year with the side cutouts I loved the pop of emerald in her necklace but I really would have liked to see her hair down. I feel like when a dress has sharp cuts of tailored lines it’s nice to see a contrast with something less severe with the hair. I also would have liked to have hemmed the dress a few more inches and show off a pair of killer heels.

Prettiest Use of Purple

These are two very different dresses but both of them made me swoon. The detail of the lilac Miu Miu dress on Demi Singleton was exquisite. The detail was of the beaded flowers was so beautifully and the length was perfect as it didn’t overwhelm Demi, who, by the way, is only 15 years old. Even at her young age she carried this gown with complete grace.

I think it’s got to be a delicate choose on what to wear when you are just a regular person but you are married to a movie star. I’m sure there’s a slight feeling of not wanting to overdo it compared to an actress that is a nominee, but, at the same time, it’s the freakin Oscars and you want to look glam. Kathryn Boyd is the wife of Josh Brolin and I am completely in love with her purple boho beach girl chic look in Etro. Her hair matches the feel of the dress where everything just this effortless look like she just got in from a beach in Bali a few hours ago. Definitely one of my favorites.

Umm…can you make me my own color?

If you are Nicole Kidman and working with Armani then yes, your wish is their command. The story goes that Nicole saw this dress but requested this custom shade of pale blue (I know it reads a bit purple/grayish in the photos). This dress is definitely couture and even if you don’t love the style you have to admit that only Nicole Kidman can carry off this type of dress like a runway model. She’s been doing this way too long and rarely makes me a mistake, mostly because she always look so confident in her choices. My favorite part of this dress was the beading on the train, such a beautiful detail.

Can you match my dress to my hair?

I wanted to love Jessica Chastain’s look because I like her so much but the bottom of the dress ruined it for me. The ombre sequins felt fun and unexpected and I was kinda okay with the Rainbow Bright nod but the bottom of the gown felt way too much like Mrs. Howell’s pajamas on Gilligan’s Island. The dress had enough going on and when you are a redhead that beautiful color feels like an extra accessory. She is so beautiful that I felt like it was too much noise and a classic case of wear you notice the dress before the person, and she is too talented for that.

I didn’t hear much about this look today, and maybe it’s because she changed during her hostess duties, but wow I thought Regina Hall totally looked gorgeous in this monochromatic look. Here hair, skin, and dress all were on the same page, and Damn it was a good chapter! By keeping the whole look tonal the focus was on her totally perfect hair and makeup which danced in complete sync with the dress. The soft color lets you totally appreciate the gorgeous layers and lines of her custom Vera Wang gown and I am so here for it.

Are you looking at my boobs?

Yes, it’s now come to this. Boobs as accessories. We already covered (or should I say what wasn’t covered) in Tracee Ellis Ross’s dress but here are a couple of others that really went for it. Venus Williams is fierce but felt the need to remind us of her femininity with this U-shaped front opening on her gown. I thought the dress was stunning, it has a bit of a mermaid cut to the skirt and her hair was super glam. But you don’t see all that because it’s literally distracting that the silver border looks like it is barely holding in all her bits and pieces. In fact, there was a slight mishap caught on Twitter where she did have a bit of one of the girls wanting to come out and play and you can see her holding her arm over her chest until she could tell that girl it wasn’t her match.

Slaying in Sequins

When Lupita Nyong’o came onto the red carpet some years ago she set the stage by being a star in the fashion department. She never phones it in and she always shows up. This year was no exception in her gold and floral sequined Prada gown. Her updo matched the texture of the dress, which included an exaggerated metallic fringe that felt like mini applause that followed her.

Also showing how a simple sequin skirt can completely kill it on the red carpet was Zendaya, who has become one of the actresses we love to see on the red carpet. She’s always up for something just a bit different and has the confidence to pull it off. Wearing a custom cropped shirt and skirt by Valentino, she gave a nod to the white button down worn from The Gap that Sharon Stone famously wore some years ago. Her look is flawless and the updo lets us focus on the cut of the shirt. I’m also obsessing over the stacks of Bulgari Viper bracelets that give it just the right amount of edge.

Speaking of Menswear…

There were lots of looks outside the usually black tux box this year. From all pink to all red, to velvet and patterns, this was probably one of the most expressive years for the men. While I am all up for expression there is one that I didn’t like. Timothee Chalamet forgot his shirt. Don’t get me wrong, I love the sequin blazer and I would love to borrow it for myself, but I just didn’t feel this was the right venue. Call me a traditionalist but I think this look would have been better at The Met Gala or The Grammys. I guess to me he is an actor, not a rock star, so I’m not getting the whole “I’m too sexy for my shirt” vibe via 90’s band Right Said Fred. Although, he does the the skin tone to be the next Edward in Twilight.

One more that didn’t work for me was Daniel Kaluuya’s satin tux. I feel like this would be worn by the maitre d at a Disney World Little Mermaid themed restaurant.

For me best dressed male goes to Jason Momoa. With men it’s all about the tailoring and it’s no easy feet to get this guy into a well fitting tux. I believe he said it was custom made for him in London. Although he is naturally the kind of guy who stands out with his hair and size and his overall vibe, I like that he kept it simple and classic for this event. Oh and take note of his black satin scrunchie on his wrist for his ponytail…”Stars! They’re just like us!”…as I have gotten dressed up before and forgot to take my ever present pony-tail holder off of my wrist.

Wanna Trade?

Sometimes I see a dress I love but just not on that person. I would have loved to have Julianne Hough and Kirsten Dunst swap dresses. See my chopped up photo redo below. And yes, I realize I made their heads too big for their bodies but photo editing is not my thing and this was the best I could do.

I like big trains and I cannot lie.

Megan Thee Stallion dropped the bougie and ratchet and kept the classy with her custom Gaurav Gupta metallic blue gown with ruffles for days. It was glamorous and gorgeous and just the right amount of train. Her sleek updo complimented the look perfectly.

On the other hand sometimes a train should be stopped in its tracks. Forgive me Will but what is going on with Jada’s look? Is it an exploding can of Spinach? Or is it inspired by the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland? Again, maybe for The Met Gala which is known for dresses that women literally can’t sit in and delivering a shock and awe factor. She is tiny and beautiful and this dress looks like it is going to eat her alive. My second to least favorite.

Another look that left me super confused was Maggie Gyllenhaal’s gown by Schiaparelli. I respect that this gown is considered “haute couture” but I can’t get over the strange gold accents. It reminds me too much of those oversized hooks I always see in the bins of the sale room at Anthropologie. They look interesting at first but then I think, would I really want that on my wall? Definitely not on my dress. It would be so tempting to hang my purse on it if I ran into her in the ladies room.

And now, for my least favorite look of the night. Kristen Stewart can literally wear anything she wants from Chanel, and yet she chose to wear this. Does she look cool and badass? Sure, for a photoshoot, for a night out, for a runway. But for the Oscar’s? Even though I didn’t like Maggie or Jada’s dresses I can at least appreciate that the effort was put it to pull off a dramatic look for the Oscars. This just feels like Kristen gave up and said Eff it. Many fashionistas loved this punk look and what may be the first time we saw shorts on the red carpet but I just felt like it was a waste of a moment. She can do so much better and I feel like she was acting like a rebellious child and stomping her feet with this look.

I think this would have been great for the after-parties but I didn’t like it at all for the Red Carpet. Conversely, I loved what she wore to the after-parties and would have loved to see her swap these two looks. Her I think her hair looks sexy instead of sloppy and the lack of jewelry lets the dress totally stand out and show off those amazing metallic cuffs. Its beautiful on her and I think would have been so much better on the red carpet. But again, that’s the best part about fashion. It’s subjective. It’s in the eye of the beholder. And, in the end, everyone looks their best when they wear something that they love. Opinions are just different views and everyone is entitled to their own. No matter what I think I always celebrate fashion and the expression of personal style. The best accessory anyone can ever wear is a genuine smile.

So let’s hear your opinion! Who did you love? Who did I miss? Let me know as I could talk about this stuff for days on end and love discussing it!

Thanks for reading!

Suzie

Scorched Earth

Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Pexels.com

Definition of scorched-earth 1: relating to or being a military policy involving deliberate and usually widespread destruction of property and resources (such as housing and factories) so that an invading enemy cannot use them. via

MerriamWebster.com

I once arrived at a client appointment and upon entering her home I for a second thought that she had been robbed. Her calm and welcoming demeanor told me otherwise as she greeted me warmly as she has done several times before. But this was pre botox so my face clearly said what is going on when I saw that all of her family room furniture, sans the television, had clearly been given evacuation orders and had left the building. The tv sat awkwardly alone on the floor of the family room, looking like that friend that passes out at a part and then wakes up and wonders where everyone went. My client immediately read the the confusion on my face and said “Yeah, it’s time. I wanted to redo this room for some time now and keeping the old couch and chairs and rug was not motivating me enough to take the necessary steps to move forward. So, I figured I would get rid of all the things I no longer want and in order to make room for me to see and to take action on those things I do want. I needed clarity.” While this sounds brilliant on the surface I pointed out that she has elementary age twins and a husband and family that is very into watching all things sports on tv. Golf, football, tennis, baseball, if it’s televised they are watching it together as a family. “Oh, yes, we’ve been watching it on the floor or dragging in chairs from the kitchen to watch the tv.” Isn’t that uncomfortable I asked? “Of course”, she said, and just then I realized that was precisely the point.

Change is uncomfortable. The familiar, good or bad, is easy. We pick to stick with the problems we know rather than risk getting involved with something else unknown with possibly a whole new set of problems. The key word there is risk. We could try something new and it could be great and solve all of our problems and we could think why oh why did I not do this sooner, or we could try something new and think, yep, that’s that old adage about people always thinking the grass is greener, why couldn’t I have just stayed with what I know, problems and all. You see in taking out all her existing family room furniture this client was forcing herself to make a decision. And forcing herself to live without any furniture for a time being meant two things. One, no one will die for having to sit on the floor to watch tv, and two, she can more clearly envision what she wants. She didn’t feel the panic of having to run out and buy the first thing she saw just to provide a seating solution. In making her family and herself a bit uncomfortable she was the able to feel comfortable taking her time and getting exactly what she wanted to put into that space. Similar to watching a sports game when a player has the puck, or the ball, and the other team is closing in but you see a look of confidence on that player’s face. Sometimes you hear someone in the crowd say “You got time!” and they know it, they dribble the ball, they handle the puck, they contemplate their next move. They have time to think and make a decision that they are sure about. I know decorating is not an athletic game but there is something to be said in terms of relating to timing before you take your shot. If you can afford to take your time you have a better chance of getting it right.

When we fall back on what is comfortable and what is familiar we never give the new things a chance. We stifle growth. As silly as it sounds it was that extreme lack of having any furniture in the room that helped this client observe her family and their life and contemplate what type of furniture and layout would make sense for them. And of course, like most things, I can relate this back to your closet. When you keep hold of something that no longer serves you it breeds resentment. How many times have you held on to a pair of jeans that were too tight, too long, too short or just too something, only to try them on again for the 8th time and then get more and more irritated each time you try them on and then take them off. It’s annoying. Your annoyed at them but it gets displaced to feelings of :”If I was thinner, younger, had a better butt, had a smaller but, ate less cheese, worked out more….this wouldn’t be happening.” This is where I have to stop you.

Stop. It’s not your fault. You can blame the clothes. It’s okay. Let’s face it, there are more of them than there of us so why are we settling when there is oh so many fish in the see that we can wear?! Because we wear what is familiar. We wear what is comfortable, not just physically on our bodies but comfortable in our minds. Our brain does not like to shake things up, we take mental comfort and security in wearing what we have always worn. But we change, all the time. Expecting a pair of jeans from 3 seasons ago to fit the body and mindset we are in right now is problematic. Listen, after I had my breast reduction I thought that I would magically be able to wear all of my clothes that we too small up top and everything would look great. Turns out when you change your proportions and the silhouette of your shape that it’s not that easy I’ve been fighting this realization because it’s sad. It’s sad that there are clothes in my closet that just won’t look right on my body ever again. And yet, here I was, all summer, trying them on and taking them off and hanging them back up in my closet. This is nonsense. It was scary but I only felt justified to go out shopping for new clothes after I got rid of lots of my existing clothes and saw lots of empty hangers staring back at me. It also helped me focus on what is working for my shape so I knew what to look for more of. High waisted flat front pants are no longer my friend. At one time the proportions of my chest made it so that my waist looked smaller by default. Now a higher waist makes me look like Winnie the Pooh from the side. Suddenly my waistline was larger than my bustline so I needed to adapt to an entirely new way of dressing my shape.

So what’s so scary about an empty closet, besides the obvious fear of really looking like Winnie the Pooh and having no pants at all to wear? It’s that overwhelming feeling that takes over when we think about having to make the decisions. There is an excellent quote by a famous organizer, Barbara Hemphill that says that “Clutter is postponed decisions.” All those clothes cluttering up your closet are items that you have yet to make a decision on. The decision sounds as simple as keep or toss but it’s all those nagging questions that sneak up in the back of our brain creating a traffic jam in our decision making process. Quick decisions like “This sweater is itchy, it needs to go” get sidetracked with a train of thoughts that are careening out of control…”Maybe I just need to find the right thing to wear under so it’s not itchy, I like the pattern and the color so maybe I’ll just wear it for a short time rather than something all day, this sweater was expensive and from a good designer, maybe my sister will want this and I can keep it in here until I see her next”…and so on and so on. Next thing you know we are paralyzed and walk away.

I”m here to tell you it’s time. Take all that “furniture” out of your closet that doesn’t work. Only leave in what does work. When you do this you can clearly see what is missing. You can make constructive observations based on what exists right in front of you. Keep a list going, it will help you to make smart choices when shopping and to fill in the blanks. It may take some time and it will take some financial investment but keep your eye on the prize. And I’m not gonna lie, it can be scary. Letting go of all things that aren’t “you” anymore means we have to face the questions of just who we want to be right now, and what if we just don’t know? I don’t have a signature style. More than once I’ve thought about taking a lighter to my entire wardrobe (not really but figuratively) and forcing myself to start over. That’s a lot of work. I don’t always know exactly who I am right now as far as my style, but, what I do know is that I don’t have the exact same style as I did five years ago and I will probably have a different style five years from now. Life is about change and about evolving. Imagine yourself opening up the doors of your closet and seeing it clean, organized and only containing what you love and fits YOU, for the life and the body you have RIGHT NOW. And remember less is more. There is no need to fill up all of that empty space and refill every empty hanger. You got this.

Want some help?

I’m here to help you conquer the clutter in your closet. It’s a 4 week course for 1 hour a week where I will walk a small group of people through the closet clean-out process step by step, tackling different areas each week. There will be homework and things you can do on your own time but I will be there live every week to help talk you through the decision making process. It’s time to take back your closet. I’m only accepting a limited number so please send your name and contact information to me via text if you are interested in the details. The course will start on Monday, November 1st, at 7pm, and will continue every Monday at 7 through November 22nd. This course will be interactive in nature as it will work like a zoom call. You can interact as little or as much as you’d like and there will be no pressure to share any personal information with me or with the group. Total price for all 4 sessions will be $149 for the 4 hours.

Emptying the Nest

I’ve always thought about whether or not it is better to know that it’s the last time you do something, or to be left blissfully unaware. There are some situations where we know it’s the last time and although that can feel like an opportunity to make the most of something it also feels likes heaps of pressure. I’m not necessarily referring to the big milestone type events in our lives, I’m talking about the everyday little things, the simple everyday situations, especially the ones that change as we get older. The very last time you read your child a book before bed. The last time you helped your grandmother set the table. The last time your mom or dad tucked you into your bed. Your child won’t ask you to pick them up and then say “Make this one count because I’m getting bigger and you won’t be able to pick me up or carry me anymore!” And what if they did? What if when they are whining and crying and you are exhausted but they whisper in your ear that this will be the very last time they would ask you to pick them up? What if we knew it was the last time we did something and we altered it in some way? It’s this gentle flow of routine that makes these common everyday interactions feel like they are slipping through our fingers without us even realizing it.

If we knew it was the last we might change the narrative, accidentally messing up the very memory we are trying so hard to savor. Have you ever had a store or restaurant you love suddenly close? You didn’t know the last time you were there was the last time. Would you have ordered something different? Would you have stayed longer than usual? Regret is a crappy and confusing feeling because we are regretting something we didn’t do, or that maybe we did do, but we have no crystal ball to tell us how the outcome would be different. Life is not a “Choose Your Own Adventure Book.” I loved those books but I compulsively had to read through every option, never satisfied with sticking with the one I chose. I recently asked my husband about these books and he said he loved reading them but he was the type of person who picked his choice and moved on, never looking back at the other options. I looked at him as if he was a complete freak and he could not believe I would take the time to read through all the other scenarios. Worth noting, this is how my husband lives his life. He makes his decisions confidently and moves on, never looking back. Meanwhile I am that person that will agonize over the menu when we go out to eat. Even if I like what I chose when the food arrives I am still that weirdo that looks around at other peoples’ entrees and think “Maybe I should have had the omelet.”

Of course I overthink and over analyze more than just my breakfast choices. I can get caught up making too big of a deal about the significance everyday things. The last school lunch I packed, the last time we played hide and seek, the last time they were in a stroller. When singled out these moments aren’t that special on their own, it’s the frequency we do them that creates the threads we use to weave a quilt of our life story, into a quilt that is never really finished. Even in the end of our lives the memories and routines we created will continue to be woven into our children’s lives and all of those around us. In the what I never thought of as profound words of that famous song from Semisonic, the one that was always played at the end of the night in bar when I was in my 20s, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” We are so very lucky to be able to keep that quilt going, the different patches and colors representing no distinct pattern but rather a reflection of how complicated our lives can be.

My parents are getting ready to sell their beach house. For a myriad of reasons it’s the right time, and as much as it hurts and feels sad I know in my gut that this is the time. Usually we stumble in there in waves of kids and dogs and all different times. We leave the same way, double checking that beds are made, towels are washed and the dog hair cleaned up. But even when we are there it’s a whirlwind of people coming and going, racing to get into the shower first, rinsing the sand off from our toes, and running back out the door to the next thing. Sports schedules, teenagers that want to see their friends, and work obligations have made it hard for us to all be there at the same time and to be present in the moment. This past labor day weekend was a little different. My sister and I gathered our kids on the stairs that we have run up and down for the last 15 years. We’ve never taken a photo of the cousins on the steps. This time we did. It was bittersweet. They are getting older and so are we. We had 15 years to make this an annual photo and yet this is our first and our last time. This is an example of one of those of one of those times where I was grateful to have control of the narrative, to know that it was the last time they would all be sitting there together at the end of the summer, to be present in the moment. Because I knew this I savored it, I appreciated it, capturing it with a photo in a night where normally we would all be running around in different directions. It was special and we felt it, and I felt gratitude for the memories we made that can’t ever be sold. My godmother Nina put it perfectly when she said it’s time to make new memories.

I’m well aware that with these last times will come a whole new slew of firsts. Just like moving out of home there is that first sleep in your new home. The first time you drop you take your drop your child off at college. I know I am supposed to look forward to this my this one is a toughie. This is our daughter’s senior year of high school. It’s filled with lots of conscious “lasts”, the last first day of high school, the last time she drives with her brother to school (she probably won’t miss that one too much! ), the last time she comes home from school after a tough day and I am physically standing there to give her a hug. I’m not the first person to have a child leave home for college and I’m not the last, but damn it hurts. It’s like pulling off a bandaid very, very, slowly. You have a whole year to think about it and with it the pressure of trying to make this year everything you want it to be remembered as. I have found myself in T.J. Maxx looking at various sizes, colors and materials of decorative pumpkins and getting ready to buy all of them to suddenly make my house have the best damn fall ever. Our daughter loves fall and when the house is decorated for each season. And I am one of those moms who still has Christmas pine soap in the powder room and forgets to change the wreath on the door. I don’t rotate out pumpkins for ghosts for nutcrackers and then for hearts and then bunnies for each season. I so appreciate it in other people’s homes but I just never have put the effort into my own. And now, here I am, with 17 years under my belt to have the opportunity to decorate for Fall and I suddenly decide that I want to spend hundreds of dollars on seasonal decor to try and create some perfect happy home memory for my daughter’s last fall at home. It’s ridiculous and insane and yet I am consumed with making this the best year of her life. It’s also impossible.

Plus the bandaid is starting to get pulled, just as it should. If you have ever been pregnant you remember that ninth month and the cruel fact that although you should be getting tons of sleep before the baby arrives, you are helplessly up almost every hour with a bladder reduced the size of a grape under the pressure of an anvil. It only occurred to me much later after my children were born that this is actually nature’s way of preparing us for getting up throughout the night at all hours and learning how to go back to sleep in less than 1 minute anywhere at anytime. It’s a crash course in how to function without a solid 8 hours and it’s exactly why when our children are older we look at a new mom and think “Oh My Goodness, that looks exhausting and I could never do that again.” We were being groomed, getting prepared, we weren’t just nesting the baby nursery we were nesting ourselves physically and mentally.

One of my best friends warned me about this slow bandaid pull, saying it actually helps the leaving to not feel so abrupt. It happened quickly to me these past few months. Our daughter got her license, and then a job, and then school started and then she got a second job. Suddenly she was not home for these potentially perfect family dinners I was imagining us having and I found myself adjusting to the fact that she was around the house a lot less. If she wasn’t working she was in her room doing homework or going out with her friends, all normal stuff. Part of me wanted to sit on the floor of her room and just stare at her while she did her homework and even though I’m weird enough to try, it’s not happening. I can’t stop working and living my normal life just to make myself available whenever she is free. She’s becoming an adult, her own person and I think that’s what’s so bittersweet. We have finally gotten through a lot of that teenage bickering and she’s become like a best friend. She’s someone I prefer to hang out with over lots of other people and there’s an ease to being around each other. She’s smart, interesting and funny. I’m loving watching her come into her own as she creates this life at work and with friends that is independent of us at home. I really like her company and now she will be leaving.

I know this is what we are supposed to do. I’ve read all the grown and flown and I’ve heard all the wonderful things that I get to look forward to her as she starts into adulthood. But’s it’s hard and I’m sad. I have no control over what memories she has of growing up in our home. I can buy every damn pumpkin out there this year and it won’t change that she will probably remember I had a surplus of Christmas soap. I can hope that that memory will make her smile and laugh. I can’t change the past or rewrite the narrative or dwell on regrets. I can be present. I can listen. I can try and make this memorable for me but I can’t rebuild the nest, I can only make sure she has all she needs to fly. The nest will still be here and it always will.

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